


Of Rights And Wrongs And All The Things In Between

by AkaiAmedama



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Consensual Underage Sex, Frotting, Jerking each other off, M/M, Sibling Incest, a bit of swearing but that shouldn't even be worth mentioning considering the other tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-04
Updated: 2014-12-04
Packaged: 2018-02-26 21:35:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 24,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2667161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AkaiAmedama/pseuds/AkaiAmedama
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Akiteru comes home drunk in the middle of the night, his relationship with Kei takes a rather interesting turn.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> As you might have noticed when looking at the tags, this fic includes incest, meaning, romantic feelings as well as sex between siblings, both boys and one of them only 16.  
> Now I understand that this is definately not everyone's cup of tea so therefore, please refrain from reading further should you feel uncomfortable with this. :3

~ Akiteru ~

It had been a long night.

He actually hadn’t planned on going out today. After all this was his last night at his parents’ and god knew he didn’t have a lot of opportunities to spend time with them and most of all, Kei, now that he lived in Sendai. He rarely got time to stay over for the weekend. However, when some of his old team mates from Karasuno had called, inviting him for a long overdue reunion, he just couldn’t say no.

In the end he was glad that he went.

Despite his awful memories of that time, he still enjoyed seeing those guys again and ended up staying longer, drinking more than he had originally planned to.

Which might have been the reason for his current state.

Swaying from left to right, Akiteru braced himself on the wall next to the main entrance and managed to steady himself just in time before crashing head first into a heavy wooden door. The rough surface dug into his palm, leaving dirt to stick to the damp skin. Akiteru reached into his pocket, searching for the keys to his parents’ house.

He really should have known.

He should have been content with one or two beers. But then Watanabe had shoved the _‘good stuff’_ – as he had called it – in his face, urging him to join everyone, to clink glasses and gulp it down. Akiteru had known he’d surely be regretting this the next morning but somehow hadn’t wanted his former team mates to know that he couldn’t handle alcohol that well and yeah, despite his better knowledge, had taken the offer.

More than once.

Yeah. The Sake had _definitely_ been his downfall.

Well, at least he hadn’t thrown up. That was a good thing, right? Maybe he finally started to get used to Sake.

Nah, probably not.

After a while his fingers got hold of the keys and he tugged them out, trying to find the right one.

Still, he was kinda proud of himself. Not just for keeping the contents of his stomach where they belonged, but also for finding his way home on his own, all the while ignoring the urge to just lay down on some park bench and sleep there.

Oh, and as far as he remembered he hadn’t even been that embarrassing back at Barley’s. Well sure, he had complained about service and kinda argued with the waiter but seriously he had been completely in the right. Akiteru suspected that the guy had wanted to piss him off on purpose. Telling him to stay calm and that he’d bring his hand towel right now. ‘ _Right now’_ , he had said. How can you say that to a customer over and over again and then just forget about it? Everyone had one! It really hadn’t been fair! So yeah, he had every right to complain. Tch. He’d never set a foot into that bar again. They could keep their stupid hand towels for all he cared.

Still, he had definitely improved. No tripping. No spilling of other peoples drinks. And no overly emotional lamenting or crying either.

Yeah. He was finally getting the hang of it.

It also only took him like 10 minutes to insert the key into the keyhole and open the door. He remembered one time when that little hole had presented him with a truly unsolvable task and he had just given up, curling up on the floor in front of his apartment.

Not today though.

_Lucky~~_

Akiteru entered the house and closed the door, slowly, careful not to make too much noise which could wake his parents.

Not that he wasn’t allowed to drink.

He was 22 after all.

No, he simply didn’t want to look at his mother’s face in this drunken state of his - who in their right mind would ever want that - and he definitely didn’t need his parents to bring it up every time he came home to visit.

No, thank you.

Akiteru slipped off his shoes, placed them neatly next to the others – well he tried his best – and slowly tiptoed towards the staircase, nearly knocking into one of his mother’s favorite plants. God, these things got bigger and bigger every time he visited.

At first he tried taking two steps at a time, climbing the stairs gracefully and fast, but had to find that two steps were way too optimistic and in the end settled for one step and simultaneously pulling himself up at the handrail. It might not have been graceful nor fast yet once he reached the top, looking back down the stairway still made him feel like Reinhold Messner, only with all his toes.

When passing Kei's room, he let his fingers run along the wooden door before halting and contemplating whether to take a peek inside or not. His little brother was probably sleeping peacefully, blanket drawn all the way up to his chin with just that tousled blond head sticking out.

The picture made Akiteru snicker.

Kei sure was still cute, no matter if he liked to hear it or not. At least when asleep. Otherwise he wasn’t cute at all. Taller than him with all the puppy fat gone and way too serious.

Way, _waaaaay_ too serious.

Uncooperative too. Sometimes sassy and witty. Yeah. That little tease.

Although he rarely did that with Akiteru, it was easy to imagine how Kei behaved around others. His little brother had never been one for socializing.

Sighing, he wished he could just open the door and walk in. Turn back time and find the little brother from years ago, huge eyes sparkling when they met his and skinny arms being thrown around his neck. But then again, he would much prefer his grown up little brother to show him the same affection. Kei could hug his big brother much tighter now and Akiteru wouldn’t have to bow down anymore.

Maybe they could do something nice tomorrow before Akiteru had to return to Sendai. Maybe go to see a movie or something.

Honestly, he really didn’t care all that much as long as he got to spend time with Kei, seeing how they had already lost enough of that due to the stupid decisions he had made years ago. Fingers moved to draw circles on wood as if trying to leave a message for his brother to find in the morning. Sadly, he wasn’t sure what it was that he wanted to tell the other.

_I want to see you._

_Now._

Yeah. Something like that.

He wanted to see him now, wanted to look at his little brother’s annoyed face and pinch his nose. A small smile formed on his face at the thought.

Yeah.

Kei would surely be annoyed should Akiteru wake him in the middle of the night just because he was drunk. Especially because he was drunk.

Resting his forehead against the cool wood and closing his eyes, Akiteru wished he wouldn’t have to leave tomorrow. They really never had enough time. He wished he could see Kei every day, not just a few times a month.

Because he missed his little brother if he wasn’t there.

Even now when the only thing separating them was a stupid door and his own insecurities, Akiteru missed him. He really wanted to tell Kei that. He tried picturing his little brother's reaction. He'd love to pinpoint and name every emotion showing on that beloved face, no matter how fleeting. See if he could still tell. If, while to everyone else Kei simply looked indifferent, Akiteru could still see that deep pool of emotions reflected in those caramel eyes. If he was still that special.

He really should have turned down the Sake.

With slightly more force than necessary, he pushed himself away from his brother’s door and hurried down the hallway.

When he finally stood in front of his own room, the cold feeling of loneliness washed over him again. That was something he really disliked about being drunk.

While every light seemed much brighter and every laugh sounded way happier, dark thoughts suddenly turned pitch black and before you knew it, you were caught in them unable to escape. The feeling of loneliness which might have been nothing but a faint whisper in the back of his mind if he were sober suddenly became a screeching cry, alcohol serving as amplifier.

God, he really hated alcohol. He needed to find some sleep and get it out of his system.

 

~ Kei ~

Kei let out a puff of air, slowly opening his eyes to the darkness.

It took him a moment to register where he was and when he did he couldn't stop an irritated whine. The sound of heavy footsteps echoed through the otherwise quite house.

Fuck.

So Niichan was home now. Grabbing his glasses to put them where they belonged, Kei reached for the alarm clock in the dark, pushing a button to light up the display.

2:06. Niichan was home.

Way too late.

A shaky breath brushed along his arm, causing tiny hairs to stand up.

Way too early.

He shouldn't have fallen asleep. The footsteps had moved closer but strangely the sound of them had died long before reaching his room. Maybe Niichan had gone straight to the bathroom and Kei still had time to save himself from a huge embarrassment. Stretching his long legs, Kei hesitantly moved to get up and sneak out of the room but immediately flopped back down the moment he heard a thump against the door to his left.

Fuck.

When had Niichan even ended up in front of this room?

Heart racing, he thought about rolling off the bed to hide himself until it was safe enough to leave the room without being seen. But then again, it seemed way too silly. Moreover, it would be even more embarrassing if he was found out. Sighing, he drew the blanket up to his chin and decided to stay put, unmoving and waiting for what he knew would be coming, his heart drumming against his chest. Eyes plastered to the wood, Kei held his breath when the handle turned and the door began to open slowly.

Niichan probably tried to be as quiet as possible but turned out to be anything but.

Seriously.

Anyone would have woken.

Then again, Niichan most likely didn’t feel the need to be _that_ quiet now, seeing how he probably expected the room to be empty. And maybe he _was_ really quiet and it only seemed differently to Kei ears. After all, his heartbeat seemed just as loud in his ears as the clicking sound of Niichan's belt buckle when he tried to get out of his jeans. Which, judging by his brother’s excessive swearing and uncoordinated movements seemed to be a rather difficult task. Kei actually had to stifle a laugh. It was that hilarious. He wished he could rub it into his brother’s face the next morning and see him fidget and blush. Niichan vs. his jeans, a fight which after 2 minutes still hadn’t found a victor.

When Niichan finally managed to rip the last part of that _stupid fucking fuck_ \- as he had repeatedly called it - from his legs, he threw it across his room and Kei wasn’t sure but for a short moment it had looked like his brother had intended to strike a victory pose. Alcohol and his brother sure were a very interesting mixture. Feeling his way towards the bed, Niichan still hadn’t noticed him.

Or he had and simply refused to let Kei know.

Or maybe he thought it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary and he needn’t pay attention to his little brother in his own bed.

Kei wondered if he should say something.

Then again, he really didn’t know what.

He hadn’t intended to still be here when Niichan returned. But now that he was, he had to think of some excuse - so that he didn’t have to tell the truth. That he had missed his brother. That he had wanted to see him and that he would always lay down in his bed when he missed his brother because it calmed him and maybe this time … maybe this time he had hoped Niichan would come home early. That maybe … they could still talk a bit. Watch TV or something. Kei had thought of maybe casually greeting him in the hallways or in the living room, not here in _his_ bed. Most definitely _not_ here.

Fuck, he shouldn’t have fallen asleep.

Now here his brother was, at 2:10 in the morning and drunk. Probably not the best time to talk. Maybe he would fall asleep next to Kei immediately without registering that he was here. And maybe that would be for the best. Groaning, Niichan crawled into the bed and flopped onto his back, moving his arm to cover his eyes. Then again ...

“You are late.”

Okay, all things considered, keeping his mouth shut would definitely have been the better decision. At least if his brother's reaction upon hearing his voice was anything to go by, nearly jumping off the bed, desperately clutching his chest, wide eyes staring at him in horror. Kei just hoped that their parents hadn't heard Niichan's embarrassing squeak and come running to check on him as all of this would be a rather strange situation to explain. He didn't even know where to start.

But then again he never knew when it came to Niichan.

“Kei …? Wh-What .. are you … ?”

Kei thought he had seen Niichan blink a few times, dumbstruck, before flashing one of his sweetest smiles. As it turned out, his brother recovered fairly quickly despite his initial shock and slowly moved to lay beside him again, questioning eyes meeting his.

“I ….,” really, how was he supposed to explain?

Ever since his brother had left their parents’ house and moved to Sendai, Kei found himself in his old room more often than he liked to admit. Since Niichan still came home to visit from time to time their mom had insisted on keeping it as it was. The bed was always made, fresh linen and all, in case her eldest son decided to drop by and stay the night. Dad had often told her that she needed to let go, that her son had his own life now, away from home. Whenever that topic was brought up again, Kei just fled the room, knowing that his father would be looking at him in search for supporting words, but really … what was he supposed to say when he couldn’t even let go himself? When he still found himself in Niichan’s old bed some nights wishing that his brother would just come home. That things would return to how they once were and he’d find his brother whenever he opened that door instead of an abandoned room. It was stupid, really.

The blanket was lifted and Kei could feel the warmth of Niichan's body invading the space underneath, naked legs brushing along his and strong arms drawing him close. A moment later, his glasses were pulled from his nose, turning everything around him into a blurry mess, except for Niichan’s face, illuminated by the moonlight from the window. Too close.

“Say, did you wait for me, little brother?”

And Kei really wanted to deny it, to tell his brother _'no,’_ that he hadn't been waiting for him at all. That he didn’t want to be cuddled because he wasn’t a kid anymore and that Kei should really return to his own room now because he didn’t want to share with a drunk. But it seemed that he had hesitated a bit too long and his brother had already found the answer he had been looking for in silence rather than words or gestures.

He’d probably deny being drunk anyway and admittedly, Niichan didn’t even seem that different.

Well, except for his urge to fight with garments, the silly giggling and the slight slurring of words. But other than that, he behaved just like he always did. Well, maybe he was a tad bit more affectionate too. A cold nose rubbed against Kei’s cheek followed by gentle lips placing a few kisses just below his eye and on his temple.

Okay. Make that a lot more affectionate.

That definitely wasn’t something his brother normally did. Maybe because under normal circumstances, Kei would have shied away from that much intimacy. Not because he didn’t like it, rather because he feared how much he actually did. How much he wanted such intimacy and how he knew that he would be wishing for that loving touch whenever he lay down in Niichan’s bed from now on.

“Niichan,” Kei huffed with a slight tone of annoyance in his voice, a desperate attempt to cover up the giddy feeling in the pit of his stomach. To distract from his flushed cheeks and his rapid heartbeat.

Warm, steady breath ghosting over his cheek indicated that Niichan would be asleep any second now, though with his arms still encircling Kei, holding him in place and nuzzling his neck.

“I'm so glad … because I really wanted to see you, Kei ...”

It was more a whisper, spoken by a drunk already half asleep, yet it still hit home. Somehow, anything Niichan said did.

“Yeah,” Kei mumbled after a few minutes of silence. “I've wanted to see Niichan too ...”, his quiet voice rang through the darkness, eliciting nothing but a sleepy hum. Good. So his brother probably wouldn’t even remember Kei saying it in the morning. That was good. Yeah.

Savoring the closeness, Kei let his eyes drift shut, his right hand searching for and gripping one of Niichan's. As soon as he did, familiar fingers welcomed his, squeezing lightly while his brother let out a happy little hum. Amazing how a simple touch like that managed to make him feel loved and safe, reminding him that he, despite what he would be telling his brother in the morning, hadn't even once intended to leave this warm place and return to his own bed, cold and lonely.

 

~ Akiteru ~

It was dark.

It was dark and his skin was tingling, heat pooling at the pit of his stomach and moving lower.

Akiteru shifted, feeling the familiar sensation of a growing arousal. A low, nearly inaudible moan escaped his mouth caused by something pressing against his crotch, making his cock twitch in anticipation. First he thought it was just him pushing against the mattress but he soon realized that there was another body pushing against him. Another body next to his, nice and warm. Slender legs tangled with his own to increase the contact, erection rubbing against his through thin fabric while the hot breath of a hushed moan against his neck caused Akiteru to shiver.

He didn't quite understand what was happening but _gods_ it felt good and he couldn’t help wanting more.

Hips pushed forward into the other body, his cock already painfully hard.

More.

He needed more of that friction, more of that heat.

A faint whisper reached his ear but he chose to ignore it, chose not to care. His heartbeat racing, Akiteru let his hand push under the blanket to run it down that body, slowly, savoring the sounds his touch elicited and wishing to feel naked skin instead of fabric. A wet tongue darted out to lap at his neck but was soon replaced by soft lips, sucking that spot right behind his ear when his hand grabbed a well-toned ass to create more of that sweet friction against his hardness. Hot puffs of air turned cool when hitting the wet spots of saliva covering his neck.

Fingers tangled in his hair, tugging at single strands before moving to feel the features of his face, cheek bones, nose, forehead. When he felt them ghost over his lips, he caught them with his teeth, gently, sucking two digits into his mouth to taste them, to lap at them with his tongue, humming happily.

“…chan”, another faint whisper he chose to ignore, followed by a sweet moan going straight to his groin. The image of his tongue licking at more than just a few fingers popped up in his mind then.

It made absolutely no sense.

He didn't flock that way.

He liked girls with their long hair, soft boobs and sweet smell. He liked how they'd move underneath him and how they'd draw him between their legs to rub their hot center against his hardness. He liked how they'd be wet when he touched them there, to feel them wriggle when he pushed into them. The thought of doing it with another guy had never so much as crossed his mind, so how come it turned him on so much right now?

How come he suddenly wanted nothing more than to hear another guy's low moans? To make some other guy feel good? To touch that cock, to suck at it?

The more Akiteru thought about it, the more it dawned on him that maybe, maybe ... the reason was that this wasn't just _some_ other guy. And that scared him even more.

Squeezing his eyes shut tightly and trying to suppress a needy moan as their erections met just in the right angle, Akiteru started begging to please, _please_ let this be a dream. Please let this be some awkward, sick dream he could lock up deep within his memories once he woke. Together with that burning desire he shouldn’t be feeling at all – not even in a dream, because he shouldn’t be having dreams like this.

Not with _him._

Most _definitely not_ with _him._

His own voice shouted at him from the back of his mind, telling him to stop, to control himself, that this was all kinds of wrong. Reasoning with him that he didn’t like it. That he _shouldn’t_ like it. Yet he did. And despite him knowing that the voice was right in every- _fucking-_ way, Akiteru just couldn’t stop grinding his hardness against his brother’s.

Gods help him.

_His little brother._

What was he thinking?

What was Kei thinking?!

He should have been disgusted, Kei should have shoved him off long ago and punched his face for touching him like that. But his little brother didn’t. Instead he returned the ministrations, thrusting against him – faster – panting desperate ‘ _Niichan’_ s across his skin, causing goose bumps to appear and a shiver to crawl along Akiteru’s spine.

Oh god, he’d surely be going to hell for this.

Maybe he already was.

He couldn’t even blame the alcohol because he didn’t even feel it anymore. All he felt was the sensation of Kei’s warm body next to his, their groins rubbing together.

Trembling hands gripped Kei’s hips in an attempt to keep him from moving – to stop this folly – but only ended up drawing him closer, fingers pressing into soft flesh and hard bones. Warm, sweet breath swept over his face, so close he could almost taste Kei’s little mewls on his tongue. Drawing his head away, Akiteru tried to be the reasonable one, mumbling, “Kei ... st-stop … god, we shouldn’t ...,” under his breath. His hands still didn’t listen to him though, desperately clutching at his little brother, touching him wherever he could reach, kneading his ass.

They needed to stop.

 _He_ needed to stop.

For god’s sake, what the hell was wrong with him?

When Akiteru finally found the resolve to let go of his brother and tried to turn away, moving out of the bed – out of that room and that house – shaky hands shot up to grip his face and pull him back. He should have resisted, should have pulled free, but he had always been weak when it came to Kei and god, his little brother was warm and he wanted Akiteru to stay and to touch him and his scent alone nearly made him lose his mind.

For the first time now, Akiteru dared to open his eyes, looking at Kei’s flushed face. God, he shouldn’t have. He should have just kept his eyes shut, should have left the room immediately like any sane person would have. But he hadn’t. Eyes half-lidded, cheeks flushed and lips parted slightly to let puffs of air pass, as well as little moans and whines - how was he ever supposed to erase an image like that from his mind?

Gods be good, he wanted him so bad.

"Kei ..."

Akiteru couldn’t move, he couldn’t even avert his eyes and he hated himself for how much he wanted to close the gap and taste his brother’s soft lips.

“I know … I ... I just …,” was all Kei could whisper, his voice trembling with a mixture of uncertainty and something that could have been desire, before squeezing his eyes shut and ever so slightly brushing his quivering lips against Akiteru’s. “Niichan … please don’t … go.” Their lips touching with every word that Kei spoke, almost sounding as if he was in pain.

“Niichan ... I----”

He really couldn’t take much more. It was sick and he knew he’d regret it afterward but right now the desire took over, pushing his doubts and worries as far away from his mind as possible. A low growl the last thing he was able to produce before Akiteru cut his brother off and crushed their lips together, using his strength to push Kei into the mattress, ripping the blanket off of that body and moving over him. Kei kept clutching his face, inexperienced lips sliding against Akiteru's eagerly while Kei kept bucking his hips upwards to rub their erections together impatiently.

Unable to stop now, Akiteru ran his tongue along that sweet mouth before pushing inside to search for his brother's. His own neediness made his head spin, made him crave release. He wanted to come so badly. He wanted to make Kei feel good even more. Making out had never been this arousing, it had never made his heart race like that. Remembering how to kiss was impossible at some point and all he could manage was licking and sucking at skin whenever Kei let out a soft moan or a hushed “Niichan.” Most of the time he'd just find himself panting against his brother's parted lips, hot breaths mixing and their foreheads still connected.

 

~ Kei ~

If anyone were to ever ask him how he had ended up in a situation like this - and god forbid that ever happening - Kei wouldn’t be able to answer. He just really couldn’t remember. Although, thinking back, it had probably been his fault. At least he was fairly sure he had been the first to move, drawn in by a warm body next to him, still aroused after waking from that dream. But then again, right now he could barely tell up from down, so there’s that.

Still, why the fact that it was his brother he had been grinding against hadn’t made him recoil immediately was beyond him. It should have yet it didn’t. It confused him, yes. But more because he didn’t find it disgusting at all. More because of how good it made him feel _precisely_ for the fact that it was Niichan.

The air between them was hot, suffocating even, skin burning against skin where t-shirts had ridden up. Kei needed to turn his head away, to let cold air around them cool his face and clear his head but as soon as he did, gasping for fresh air, he wanted the heat back, wanted to taste Niichan’s lips again. Feeling his brother’s hardness grind into him and against his own made him dizzy and light-headed. It still wasn’t enough though.

Encouraging fingers combed through Niichan’s soft blond hair, massaging the scalp underneath before sliding down his back. Eager to feel more skin, Kei tugged at his brother’s shirt, lifting the fabric to let his hands slide in and feel the hot flesh beneath. Fingernails scraped lightly across Niichan’s back, up and down in slow motions causing a low hum to vibrate in Niichan’s throat, his back arching into Kei’s hands slightly. A restless hand started roaming his body in return, sliding along his side, then up his thigh and under the leg of his boxers, fingers stretching to brush against his naked ass and feel him shiver.

_So close._

That warm hand so close to where he needed to feel it, where it shouldn’t be.

_Not ever._

Kei had thought about asking but he didn’t dare considering that it was Niichan and he couldn’t just ask him to touch his dick, to jerk him off, no matter how much he wanted to because they were brothers and it was so fucked up and all kinds of wrong. Then again, they were already humping and kissing each other so it probably didn’t even matter. No. It definitely didn’t matter anymore. Tugging at his brother’s boxershorts, Kei hoped that he’d get the hint and that he wouldn’t have to say it out loud. Niichan didn’t though.

Maybe letting his fingers graze the hem of his boxershorts was better. Yeah. The suggestive touch made Niichan twitch in response, a low hum traveling along Kei's jaw where an eager mouth had started biting affectionately.

Or maybe …

The moment his hand slipped inside and touched the tip of his brother’s erection, hot and already leaking pre-cum, a drawn out needy growl left Niichan's mouth. Parted lips slid along Kei's cheek until they met his earlobe and teeth bit down fervently, causing Kei to cry out and buck his hips eagerly. A short moment later the teeth were gone and Niichan let his head drop to the pillow, panting.

“Kei.” _Yes._

When Kei's fingers brushed against his brother's hardness again, less hesitant this time, intending to touch him like he did himself from time to time, Niichan's hand shot out to grab his wrist, stilling his movement. A whine escaped Kei's mouth then and he turned his head to look at his brother's face.

“Kei …” it was spoken in a softer voice, head nudging his lovingly. “... You don't have to … do that ... I ...”

His brother could be really stupid sometimes. Did he think he had touched him because he had felt obligated to do so? That he hadn’t wanted it himself? When twisting his hand to loosen Niichan's grip on his wrist so he could take a hold of the other's hand instead, Kei let his lips slide against his brother's again before breathing, “but I really want to.”

Gripping Niichan's hand tighter and moving it closer – closer – moaning softly when his brother started nibbling at his bottom lip. “Ne, Niichan …,” his fingers tangling with the one's beneath, squeezing lightly before Kei pushed his brother's warm palm down on his crotch, bucking his hips up to increase the friction, rubbing it along his length, unable to stop the moans.

“... will you please stop worrying and ... _touch me already?”_

God, he felt stupid for saying it out loud, even though it had been nothing but a whisper against smooth lips. Yet he obviously needed to do so because Niichan was stupid and he was too but somehow nothing of that mattered anymore, anyway. Because the other finally got it and moved to tug his boxershorts down. His hand glid along Kei's spine, lifting his hips slightly to push the garment down over his ass, squeezing there when he did.

Another soft "Kei ..." sounded through the darkness, asking for permission again, and only after Kei began to pant a mix of "Niichan" and "please" repeatedly, almost begging to be touched, did his brother's hand move to his front, sliding along Kei’s hard length.

 

~ Akiteru ~

Their parents sure would have heard if Akiteru hadn't managed to cover Kei's mouth with his own in time, because his brother hadn't even tried to keep his voice down. And seriously, the thing he needed least right now was mom or dad bursting through the door thinking one of them might be hurt just to find their two sons like this.

Him on top of Kei, the latter's boxershorts dangling around his knees, kissing and panting and moaning and, oh yeah, his dick in Akiteru's hand.

Well, good luck explaining _that._

Moving his fingers up and down Kei's length, he tried pushing thoughts like these as far away as possible, concentrating only on the feel of soft skin sliding over hard flesh.

Even though his hand was used to the act of jerking off, doing it to someone else was new. He tried to remember how he did it to himself and started with slow pulls, his thumb circling the tip, spreading pre-cum while he did. Demanding hands buried themselves in his hair, holding onto him tightly and pressing his face into the crook of Kei’s neck while his little brother's mouth was busy with panting hot breath against his ear. That gave him the opportunity to gently bite at Kei's skin, nibbling there.

When Akiteru let his fingers brush along the sack to gently massage the area below, he was rewarded with a sharp intake of breath, followed by a low growl and an arching back.

So Kei liked that too, eh?

Lips and teeth latched onto his earlobe then, sucking and biting hungrily. A smile formed on Akiteru's face. He wanted to keep going, wanted to keep doing that because it felt so good, because it made Kei feel good too. And god, Akiteru wanted to make him feel good so badly.

Concentrating only on the squirming body underneath him, Akiteru had almost forgotten about his own hardness, when suddenly, a wave of pleasure hit him.

Hard.

So hard that his left arm momentarily forgot how to keep him propped up and he crashed down on his side, curling in on himself slightly while pressing his face into the mattress, moaning.

A husky "you too," spoken with his brother's voice should have been warning enough, but sadly there wasn't really that much blood left in his brain for it to function properly. So Kei's hand in his pants and on his cock had come as more than a mild surprise. It didn't grip him as hard as his own hand would have done nor did it move as fast but the fact that it belonged to Kei nearly made him come on the spot.

Now, wasn’t he the worst?

For a moment he had forgotten to move the hand on his brother's dick and the only thing that existed was the pleasure building up inside of him.

Kei's forehead pressed against his own then, hot breath washing over his face, mumbling "Niichan" and reminding him that he probably was close too.

Moving his hips forward, Akiteru patted Kei's hand urgently, motioning for him to let go. If he opened his eyes then, a confused look would have probably been directed his way, so he chose to keep them shut and opted for sucking at Kei's bottom lip instead. When his little brother finally let go, Akiteru pushed his boxershorts down and scooted closer, sliding his dick against Kei's to take both their erections in his hand and wasting no time pumping them, picking up a fast rhythm, panting and groaning and kissing.

Because he couldn't wait any longer.

Because he needed to come now and he wanted Kei to come with him.

After being pushed away from Akiteru's dick, the other's hand returned to clutch at his face, fingers digging into skin while he held his face close for hungry kisses, wet and demanding. God, he wanted to come.

Now.

_Now._

Just a bit more.

Just a few more strokes.

A few more ...

Breathlessly, he pushed his left arm under Kei to bring him closer, pressing him against his chest and feeling his rapid heartbeat.

What finally pushed him over the edge was Kei moaning his name into his mouth and the choked cry shortly before he felt his little brother release first, cum spurting against his stomach and dripping down his fingers. After that everything became a blur and for a moment nothing existed but Kei’s exhausted pants and the feeling of pure bliss, his body floating and his eyelids heavy with sleep.

The only thing that brought him back to reality were trembling fingers gently caressing his cheek and a lazy kiss pressed to his lips. Humming happily, Akiteru let his eyes flutter open, just a bit, to look at Kei's sleepy face. His cheeks were still flushed, lips slightly swollen from kissing.

It should have been awkward, looking into each other’s eyes after what they had just done but somehow it wasn't. A small smile formed at the corners of Kei's mouth and he nudged his head against Akiteru's lovingly, rubbing their noses together. Akiteru wanted to cup his little brother’s face and brush his thumb across those lips but when flexing the fingers of his right hand, he realized that they were still sticky with both their cum.

Letting his gaze travel downwards to take in their current state of undress, he found much more of it. His own cum splattered across Kei's belly and staining the bedsheet too.

God, that made him feel dirty.

He needed to get that off his little brother.

_Now._

Drawing his left arm free, Akiteru moved to hurriedly tug his shirt over his head and use the fabric to wipe Kei clean. The latter gave some irritated whines, probably because Akiteru wasn't particularly gentle, even though he tried.

Still, he just wanted to get his cum off his little brother as fast as possible. That was understandable, right?

When he was sure that all of it was gone, he lay back down and stared at the ceiling, absentmindedly wiping his hand on the shirt. Long fingers danced across his to snatch the fabric from his grip and when he turned his head to look at Kei shamefully, his brother shot him a knowing look, frowning.

"You know, Niichan ... mine's on you, too."

Hearing something like that from his little brother ... was that supposed to make him feel better?

Wiping the shirt across his stomach and thigh, Kei didn't act as frantic as Akiteru had. In fact, he made sure to be considerate and took his time, almost smiling while he cleaned him. When his little brother was satisfied with his work, he threw the t-shirt to the ground, followed by his own and pulled his pants back up, avoiding his big brother's gaze. Akiteru followed suit, opening his mouth to say something, anything, but didn't know what so in the end just shut it again.

He had expected Kei to get up and leave without looking back at his sorry excuse of a big brother but he only moved to grab the blanket and pulled it over both of them, scooting closer. Fingers ghosting over his chest, tracing muscles and his collar bone, softly brushing against the skin of his neck until they stilled and Kei let out a sleepy sigh.

"Niichan ... stop acting as if I had no say in it," he whispered softly.

God, he loved Kei so much. And it scared the shit out of him. Especially the euphoric feeling in his stomach. Because it shouldn’t be there. His rapid heartbeat did too, just like the sing-song voice in the back of his mind repeating _‘love’_ over and over again.

Akiteru let his fingers comb through short hair, brushing stray strands away from Kei’s forehead before pulling his little brother closer. A few minutes later, Kei was already fast asleep, little sighs escaping his mouth from time to time. When Akiteru shifted just a tiny bit, Kei’d furrow his brows and his fingers would twitch almost as if he wanted to clutch at Akiteru because he didn’t want him to leave.

It felt good.

Yeah.

He wished he could just fall asleep like that.

He wished things would be as easy as Kei thought.

Sighing, Akiteru closed his eyes.

Just for a short while.

Just a few seconds, not longer.

Because falling asleep like this was a bad idea.

Mom always got up early. What if she checked on Kei and when she noticed he wasn’t in his room, checked Akiteru’s instead?

What would he tell her?

It didn’t take long for his body to relax, the bed too comfortable and warm, Kei’s even breathing lulling him in.

Yeah ... what would he say ...

A sleepy yawn escaped his mouth and by that time his eyes had already forgotten how to open, limbs starting to numb.

Just a few more seconds ...

Before he realized, sleep already took him.


	2. Chapter 2

~ Akiteru ~

His life was a mess.

There really was no other way to put it.

Sometimes he wondered how he managed to fuck up every single time, again and again, and why everyone else around him seemed to do just fine.

Shifting, Akiteru slowly sat up, careful not to wake the sleeping boy next to him.

He wanted to cry.

Yeah.

Eyes kept staring at his little brother, unable to look at anything else because really, there had never been anything else worth to look at more. And now he had gone and fucked it up again. This time though, it was a lot worse than lying to his brother about whether or not he got to play in volleyball matches. This time … god, he couldn’t even end the thought, the events of last night replaying in his head.

Burying his face in his trembling hands, Akiteru tried to fight the tears.

How could he have done something like that?

God, his _little brother_.

He wasn’t supposed to touch him like that, not ever. And most of all, he wasn’t supposed to like it.

Yet he did.

 _Gods_ , he _did_.

Fingers ran through blond hair, scraping along skin so much that it hurt. He had liked all of it. And the worst of it was that he wanted to do it again. Akiteru squeezed his eyes shut at the thought, palms wiping tears away.

He needed some serious help.

Naked feet touched the ground and took a few steps before Akiteru bent down to snatch the stupid t-shirt and angrily stuff it into his bag next to the desk. That stupid thing had been haunting him ever since he had opened his eyes this morning. Crinkled and covered in stains and proof that the night before had indeed been real and not just some sick dream. He remembered how Kei had thrown it off the bed after they had both used it to wipe their cum off each other’s bodies. And now, the next morning, he couldn’t stand to look at it because it made him remember and that made his dick twitch again.

And that made him feel nauseous.

He also had to make sure their mom didn’t get it into her hands. She’d surely ask questions and Akiteru had the feeling that the moment she looked at it, she’d immediately know every detail.

Every _sick_ detail.

Of course there was no way that she could. But still.

_Still …_

The original plan was to stay until the evening and then return to Sendai but of course he wouldn’t anymore. There was no way that he could.

Trying to be as quiet and fast as possible, Akiteru started packing his bags. He’d leave now, in the morning, the sooner the better. Looking back at the sleeping form in his bed, another wave of guilt washed over him, suffocating him, the room suddenly too small. Averting his eyes, trembling hands continued snatching clothes from the floor, stuffing them hurriedly into his bags. He needed to get away from Kei as fast as possible.

Gods be good, he needed to protect him from his own brother because he still wanted to touch and kiss Kei like he had done the night before.

Sick fuck that he was.

Groaning sounded from the direction of the bed and when turning in panic, Akiteru half expected to look into his little brother's eyes. But thankfully Kei was still sleeping peacefully, only shifting a bit.

When he was finally done packing, Akiteru dressed as quickly as he could and sneaked out of the room, slowly closing the door behind him again.

Of course his mother had to be awake already. She has always been an early bird, rummaging through the kitchen and probably preparing breakfast. He could smell it from upstairs. There was no way he could avoid her.

God, what would he say?

Would she know?

A hand clasped over his mouth to muffle any sound that could have escaped as he felt tears building up again. Guilt squeezing the air from his lungs and it took him many shallow breaths to loosen it's grasp.

Calm down.

Nothing happened.

She can't know.

There's just no way she could.

Walk up to her, say you have to hurry and then leave. Just like that.

Yeah.

Just like that.

When his legs finally decided to listen, Akiteru hurried along the hallway and down the stairs past the kitchen. His mom greeted him with a smile, asking why he was up already and why he didn’t tell her he was leaving early.

Akiteru put his bags down and slowly approached her, trying his best to keep a straight face.

“Well, I … didn’t plan to leave already but yesterday ... I remembered that I still got things to do for work so I gotta catch an early train …”

“I see. Well Sweetheart, I’m sure you’ll at least find the time to have breakfast with me so sit and I’ll get you a coffee.”

The look in her eyes and the sound of her voice already told him that she wouldn’t accept a ‘ _no’_ for an answer, so Akiteru chose to save himself the trouble and sat down at the short side of the table.

How could he ever do something like that to all of them?

He truly was the worst.

The worst son and the worst brother.

The urge to walk up to his mother and cry in her arms shot up in him then. He wanted to beg her for forgiveness but how could she ever once she found out what he had done?

"You know, I'm really happy that you two are getting along fine again," his mother said happily while pouring his coffee. Of course she had meant no harm, but to Akiteru that simple statement had felt like someone stabbing a knife into his heart, twisting it again and again.

“Ah ... yeah ... I .. I'm glad too."

Hands wiped at his eyes again, hard, trying to push the tears back when his mother placed the mug in front of him.

"So, Kei is still asleep then?"

A cold shiver ran down his spine and he suddenly felt like vomiting.

Why did she ask that?

Why did she ask him of all people?

Did she really check in on them?

“Huh? .. I … I don't know ..,” was the only thing he managed to stutter.

He couldn't even look her in the eye.

Would she throw him out of the house now? Drive him away, crying? She had never hit him but he was sure she would now. Akiteru wouldn’t blame her one bit.

"Well, he was sleeping in your room, right?" The moment he looked up at her, intending to apologize, he noticed her smiling at him gently.

"What? You think I wouldn't notice?”

No. He had been sure she'd notice.

“Did you know that I would sometimes find your brother in your room in the morning? Sleeping in your bed? _Haa~_ He thinks I don't know, though.” She smiled gently before adding, “Don't tell him that you know, alright? And don’t tell your father either.” His mom giggled softly, before returning to the sink. “He believes I always put fresh linen on your bed because I can’t let go of my eldest son and hope he’d drop by more often.”

Akiteru wondered how long it would take her to wish that he’d never come over again.

“Your brother loves you very much, my dear, and he misses you a lot even if he doesn't always show. One would really need to be blind not to see that. God knows he never stayed up late, waiting for me to come home. Not even when he was little ..."

Akiteru just stared blank ahead while his mom went on babbling about this and that, barely taking in anything else that she said. Her words repeating itself in his head.

_Your brother loves you very much ..._

A sudden movement to his right caught his attention then, making him turn his head, his eyes widening when they met clear caramel ones.

Kei.

The person he least wanted to see right now. Because he couldn't stand the pain that came with wanting him. In more ways than he should.

His hair was more tousled than usual when he peeked into the room, his voice still raw from sleep. "Morning."

"Oh Kei! You're awake! Breakfast will be done in a minute! Hurry, hurry and sit dear!"

Akiteru could barely hear his mother, his full attention on Kei, his face unreadable. He thought he had seen a tiny smile but then again, it was most likely just his imagination. Only seeing what he had wanted to. Seconds later, Akiteru couldn't take it anymore and moved his gaze elsewhere. His hands felt cold. Another shiver washed over him when Kei moved to sit beside him, his smell still the same as the night before.

Staring at anything but his little brother next to him, Akiteru jumped a bit when his mother's figure appeared to his side, looking at him worriedly. Her warm, soft hands cupped his face. "Are you feeling alright, dear? You're awfully quiet today. Did something happen with your friends last night?"

It took all his self-control to not start weeping now. And god knew he wanted to so badly. Instead, he shook his head, assuring her that he was fine, forcing a smile. "I just had a bit too much alcohol so I guess it's a hangover ..."

At that his mom giggled. "Oh, that's what it is then! I hate to tell you, Sweetheart, but that's what you get for drinking too much."

Akiteru's voice was weak when he replied. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

It was still impossible to look at Kei. Or his mother.

The telephone was a welcome distraction to the lewd sounds replaying in his head, moaning and sucking, and he was glad for his mother to leave the kitchen and answer it.

He couldn't take her worried looks anymore.

Although that left Kei and him, which he couldn't take either.

For a while neither of them said anything and with every second that passed Akiteru hoped that his mother would end her conversation and return.

To break the silence.

But in the end it was Kei who finally did.

"I see you're gonna leave early."

Akiteru swallowed thickly. "Yeah. I ... I remembered I still got things to prepare for work and I ... need to do shopping too ... so ..."

"Is that so?"

"Yeah."

"And you thought telling me was too much of a hassle?"

"No ... I just ... didn't wanna wake you ..."

"Is that so?"

"Yeah."

"Is the hangover really that bad?"

"Yeah.” Akiteru forced a small smile. “My head is killing me. I can’t even remember how much I had last night.” He had two beers and 4 cups of Sake, maybe even 5.

Forcing a laugh, Akiteru added, “I can’t remember anything! God, alcohol is a bad thing, I tell ya little brother.”

"Like a blackout?” Kei’s voice turned colder with every word that he spoke. “I hear people sometimes have that after drinking a lot and don't remember a thing they did the night before.” His voice almost sounded mechanical now. “You remember the things you did last night?"

_Yes._

"... No," he lied.

"... Is that so."

"... Yeah," he lied again, gripping his mug tighter.

For a short moment silence took over again and Akiteru hoped that his little brother would just leave it be. That he’d ponder about it and accept the way out Akiteru had given both of them. When he finally dared to look at Kei, the latter was gnawing at his lips, sharp eyes staring blank ahead before he jolted up and pushed away from the table.

"I fucking hate it when you lie to me."

Swallowing thickly, Akiteru wanted to call after him but his voice just wouldn’t work, his mouth dry. A few seconds later he heard Kei slam his door.

“Sweetheart, what happened?” Of course his mom had to finish her telephone conversation right in time to notice that. “Did you two have a fight?”

He really wanted to get out of this house right now.

“No … it’s just that … he’s … he’s just angry because I didn’t tell him I’d leave early today, so …”

A gentle hand ruffled his hair.

“Oh, Sweetheart.” She pressed a kiss to his head. “He won’t be angry for long. Don’t worry.” Well, of that he wasn’t entirely sure. Of course he couldn’t tell her, because that meant he had to explain. And he’d rather not explain anything right now. Especially not to her.

“I already told you, he loves you very much. Maybe you should go and talk to him again, hmm? If you explain it, your brother will surely understand, Akiteru.”

He loved his mom and he knew she only meant well, but god, she had no idea what she was talking about. How could he even explain anything to Kei when he himself was far too confused to make sense of any of that?

Returning to the sink to continue washing the dishes, his mom told him,

"You know, your grandma once told me the following: _'When you leave your loved ones, no matter for how long, always make sure to leave on good terms. Tell them that you love them because you know, life's a fickle thing and how can you know that the other person will still be around the day you return?'"_

 

~ Kei ~

He was angry.

He really was this time.

And hurt.

Yeah.

He was hurt more than anything.

When he had woken remembering the night before, Kei tried to understand what had happened and most of all why he had done the things he had. Yet no matter how hard he tried, all he had come up with had been _'because I wanted to,’_ and _‘because it felt good.’_

Groaning, Kei had pulled the blanket over his head and curled in on himself, the smell of both their release still lingering and crawling up his nose. He remembered how he had covered his mouth with his hand, how it had taken him so much effort to not start crying. At that moment he had wanted nothing more than Niichan to still be there with him, to curl up next to him and strong arms to hold him close. He had wanted to smell that scent and feel his warmth and Niichan to pat his head and whisper that everything was alright, that he was there.

When in reality, he hadn't been anymore. Kei had already been alone with his thoughts and confusing feelings. First he hadn’t wanted to leave the room, had wanted to do nothing more but hide and be ashamed of himself. But then he noticed Niichan's bags were gone. So when he had heard his brother's voice, proof that he had still been there, that he hadn't left yet, Kei got dressed and hurried outside.

He hadn’t even known how to act or what to say because the truth was that he had been awfully afraid. They had just begun to be okay again, to move towards each other and now all of that seemed for naught. It didn't even matter if he liked what they had done, if he wanted to do it again. The only thing that mattered, why Kei pushed his insecurities away, had been that he feared to lose his brother again if he didn't see him now. That once his brother left their parents' house and returned to his life, things would forever be awkward between them. Even more so than within the past 5 years. Just because they had missed that one opportunity to make sense of all of that together, because he knew neither of them would ever bring that night up again.

But while Kei had tried so hard not to shut himself in again, had actually been prepared to share his fears from now on and hold onto his brother this time, proving that he had indeed grown up, Niichan had run away again.

Sitting at his desk pretending to do homework, Kei refused to look at his brother when he noticed him enter. He was sure Niichan had knocked but the loud music coming from his headphones drowned out everything else. Kei wished it would drown out his thoughts too. Or the pictures in his head. Or erase the urge to throw his arms around his brother, begging him not to hate him, not to leave him. Begging him to do his _fucking_ job as a big brother and explain what had happened and why. Being a voice of reason and reminding him why they shouldn’t be doing that ever again. No matter how good it had felt. No matter how much they might want to.

When he didn’t react, Niichan took a step forward and closed the door behind him. That was when Kei finally let himself look at his brother, wondering if Niichan could see how much he had hurt him reflected on his face.

After staring at each other for a while, Niichan indicated for him to take off the headphones. Probably so he could hear more of the lies his brother wanted him to believe so badly. The ones that only ever made him hurt more than the truth would have. That he couldn't remember a thing. Bullshit. Did he take him for an idiot? Anyone would have noticed something was bothering him from the way he carried himself. Even their mom did and she wasn’t _supposed_ to. Curious as to what it was his brother came to tell him this time, Kei removed his headphones, staring at his brother. Trying not to show any emotions this time.

“Kei …” That was only his name and Niichan already couldn’t stand to look at him anymore, averting his eyes. When he did look at Kei again, he mumbled a pathetic “I’m sorry … I …”

“Yeah. Don’t worry. It’s not like I’m not used to you lying.”

He felt sorry the moment the words had left his mouth but it was too late now to take it back. The hurt evident on his brother’s face while he was obviously at a loss for words and could do nothing more than gape at Kei.

But Kei wouldn’t take it back. He wouldn’t apologize either, because he was hurt too. Niichan should have just taken the hint and left when Kei didn’t answer or open the door. But he didn’t.

“You … Kei, you’re being unfair here …”

“Is that so?”

“Yeah. I merely thought it would be for the best. That … because that …what happened … it’s better to …," his voice getting quieter the more he said.

So Niichan had indeed lied to him again. He did remember. Well, at least he had the decency to admit it. Next he’d be telling him that it was all for his own good. Bullshit. Kei’s face turned into an icy frown. He had kept it bottled up inside of him all these years but somehow, the pain he had felt back then returned and he just couldn’t keep it to himself anymore.

“Oh yeah. So you thought it would be best to make up another lie. Because your little brother is stupid enough to believe anything you say? Because it worked out oh so _splendidly_ the last time, right?”

Funny how that was probably the first time for him to get this openly mad at his brother, even addressing what he hadn’t dared to in years, his voice raising.

“Kei, stop. That’s not what-“

“And pray tell, where do I come in?” He tried to stay calm, he really tried. It took him so much self-control to not just fling that fucking book at Niichan. And that scared him because it wasn’t like him at all.

“Kei …” His brother must have noticed and he raised his hand in front of him, obviously trying to calm Kei down, afraid that their mom would hear them argue. Afraid that she could make out the words and find out what it was they were fighting about. "I ... I only meant to make it easier for you to---" Well, she could hear all she wanted.

“So while you keep pretending that nothing had happened for years and years to come, so you feel better about it, coz hey, we both know you’re good at that … I’m the stupid little brother who’s bound to cope with it himself all the while believing that the only other person he could talk to can’t even fucking remember a thing?! _Is that it?_ Is _that_ how you make it easier for me?! Oh, that’s _fucking_ genius, Niichan. Yeah, thanks so much for all the pain and suffering.”

It didn’t sound like his voice anymore, it had far too much venom. It had been trembling too. That’s why he hated letting his emotions run free. Tears had even built up in his eyes, threatening to fall any moment now. But he wouldn’t let them. Not now. Although, one gentle touch of his brother’s hand and Kei wouldn’t have been able to stop them. Countless of tears would stain Niichans shirt but he wouldn’t care and just hold him closer, ruffling his hair. Telling him that everything will be alright. But it wouldn’t, would it?

Niichan hadn’t said a word since Kei’s voice had died. He simply stood there, unmoving and let Kei’s anger wash over him.

When he finally spoke again, his voice was trembling too and nothing more than a raspy whisper.

“I’m sorry.”

And Kei’s heart nearly broke in two when he saw Niichan’s face contort in pain and sadness, lips quivering and tears already streaming down his face, his entire body shaking with silent sobs now. Kei’s vision started to blur while he watched his brother flee from his room, his footsteps echoing through the hall.

Kei felt cold, incredibly cold.

That’s really not what he had wanted.

The voice of their mother rang through the house as well, calling after her son, demanding to know what had happened. But he never heard his brother answer. Instead, her voice moved closer, almost outside his door now.

“Kei! Dear, what happened?”

And he couldn’t bear to see her and he didn’t want her concern and comfort because she wasn’t Niichan and he was the only person Kei wanted to hold onto right now. Jumping up from his chair, Kei practically threw himself at the door, slamming it shut with his weight, before his mother could step inside.

“Leave me alone!” Is what he said, when his mother tried to push the door open. But he wouldn’t let her enter, he’d keep the door shut with all his might if he had too, as long as it took her to finally go away. “I said leave me _the fuck_ alone!”

Kei hadn’t even noticed that he was already sobbing frantically as well until he heard his voice, thick with pain and drenched in tears. His mom kept talking to him quietly but right now he just really wanted all of them to shut up and leave him alone.

In the end Kei put his headphones back on and turned the volume up a few notches until he couldn't even hear himself anymore. Not his mind and especially not his sobs.

Trembling fingers finally removed his glasses, only intending to wipe the glass dry on his shirt so he could see clearly again. But then again he should probably be wiping his eyes instead. And even then there wouldn’t be anything around worth seeing anyway so Kei simply buried his face in his arms, back propped up against the door to hold it shut, legs drawn up to his chest, and waited for it to be over.

He really was the worst.

 

~ Akiteru ~

Grabbing a towel to wrap it around his body, Akiteru hurried into his living room, following the sound of his ringing cellphone. “I’m coming, I’m coming already! Geeez!” He threw himself over the back of his couch stretching his arm to reach the little nuisance.

“Whoever this is, you’re gonna pay for not even letting me have a nice little bath … “

Looking at the screen, he found that his voice had left him. Gone, together with his good mood.

It was Kei.

His little brother was calling him, wanted to talk to him. The first time in weeks. Only, Akiteru wasn’t sure that he could. Of course he wanted to. He missed his brother in more ways than one, but that was exactly the problem now, wasn’t it?

Releasing his grip on the phone, he decided that he wouldn’t pick up. That he couldn’t talk to Kei nor see him. Not until the pictures in his head stopped haunting him at night, made him touch himself shamefully.

The cold crawled up his legs and he remembered that he should probably dry himself and get dressed. Moving towards the bedroom, Akiteru halted in his tracks when his cellphone rang again before making a buzzing sound.

A message.

He would read it later.

Once his heartbeat had slowed down and his hands had stopped trembling. Although he feared that one look at Kei’s text would make his heart race again.

After he had dressed himself in jogging pants and a shirt, all the while trying to ignore the thoughts of his brother, he snatched a beer from the fridge and turned on the TV, flopping onto the couch. He tried not to pay any attention to the blinking of his cellphone.

He tried not to care.

Tried to concentrate on the movie instead and ignore the blinking lights from the corner of his eye begging him to please open the text and read it.

But like with so many things in his life, he failed.

When he finally grabbed the phone to read the message he had gotten minutes ago, his hand was trembling again.

Of course it was from Kei.

_[Pick up the phone already]_

He let the cellphone fall from his fingers onto the couch, unable to read the text a second time nor type an answer.

Would Kei try to call again?

Running fingers through still damp hair, Akiteru reached for the beer and opened it, sliding down further on the couch. To be honest, he really hadn’t expected Kei to call or text him. He had been sure that his little brother would leave him alone, would distance himself again. Especially after what had happened. After Akiteru had disappointed him yet again. Had hurt him yet again.

Just like back then.

Yet while his little brother had isolated himself that time, he was now offering to talk. Funny how Kei was acting so much more mature than his big brother this time around. They really grew up so fast now, didn’t they? When he found himself staring at the cellphone again, Akiteru let his fingers slide along it’s surface and push it away further, forcing his attention back to the TV instead.

A new horror movie had almost succeeded in making him forget about the text for a while, the cellphone still taking up a place next to him, although a bit further away and silent for most of the movie.

When it buzzed again, calling for his attention, he absentmindedly reached for it, reading the message.

_[I'm sorry]_

Another one followed shortly.

_[I shouldn’t have said that]_

Akiteru closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Why was everything always so hard? Blinking a few times, he read the newest message.

_[Please don't hate me]_

He hadn’t wanted to answer Kei’s messages, for the same reasons he had decided not to pick up the phone when Kei’s name had appeared on the screen. But ignoring his brother when he obviously wanted to talk to him and even came to apologise for something he didn’t even _need_ to would have been a stupid thing to do. And just like Kei had told him weeks ago, it would have only made his little brother beat himself up and hurt more. It wouldn’t have helped either of them. Shaky hands gripped his phone while Akiteru kept staring at the now blank screen trying to think of something to say. Without saying too much.

It took him ages until he finally came up with a simple _[I could never hate you]_ and added _[you had every right to say that. I should be the one apologizing.],_ staring at the text for a few more minutes, before he eventually pushed send.

Akiteru wondered if his brother would be glad that he had replied to his messages or if he had simply sent them to get it off his mind, neither hoping nor expecting an answer. He wondered if it had taken Kei just as long to write them as it had Akiteru. If he had deleted a thousand different versions before settling for the wording he had sent in the end.

Letting his head rest against the back of the couch, Akiteru lifted the can of beer to his lips just to realize that it was already empty. He hadn’t even noticed.

The cellphone buzzed again, still resting in his hand, the vibration crawling it’s way up his arm, making his skin tingle just like his brother’s touch would have. Kei was probably just gonna tell him how glad he was that Akiteru wasn’t mad at him anymore. Or maybe he’d just tell him good night. Yeah. Pressing a few buttons, he opened the newest message.

_[Do you miss me?]_

His mouth went dry and his heart started beating so fast that he feared it would come crashing through his chest anytime now. Funny how 4 little words could have an impact like that. How an innocent question like the one he was staring at now could make his hands sweat and his heart clench.

Of course he did.

He could barely remember a time when he hasn’t.

He had missed Kei the first night after he had moved out of his parents’ house and every sound and shadow in the small room of his new home had been alien to him. He had missed him the first morning too. And the one after. During lectures or when his fellow students talked about their families. There had even been a time when he had missed his little brother when he had been visiting his parents’ and Kei had been seated right across from him. Long legs taking up more space under the table than they had used to, facial features more defined and less cute. Yeah.

The first time Kei had spoken with a voice a considerable few notches deeper than his usual, Akiteru had wanted to cry. Because he had missed his little brother and it had been that moment he had realized that he’d never see him again. And he had begun fearing to visit home, afraid of how much Kei would have changed without him there to see.

Strangely, soon after that he had started missing him even more. Not the little brother with puffy cheeks and cute voice who’d always look up to him and beam at him.

The other one.

The serious one who seemed more like a stranger now and whose cold stare hid the insecurities much better. The one who slammed doors in his face. Yeah. He had missed that one even more than the little. Precisely _because_ he had felt like he didn’t know him that well anymore and the more time he let pass by the more stranger he’d get until all that they once were would have been swept away by time. Leaving him with nothing. Yeah.

He has _always_ missed his little brother.

The last few weeks hadn’t been any different. Well, not much. Or maybe they were.

Seeing how this time Akiteru missed Kei so fucking much that he could barely stand it.

He missed him so much, that he would sometimes wake up in the middle of the night, tears still clinging to his face and all that he could think of was his little brother and how badly he wanted him here with him. Hold him close and feel Kei’s arms around him, squeezing him tightly and refusing to let go. Hear him say ‘Niichan’ in that soft voice full of endearment and love, knowing that he never ever used that one for anyone else, at least that was what Akiteru liked to believe.

Yeah.

Hear him say it like at that night, breathless with his head thrown back and fingers between soft, wet lips. Secretly, hoping that he didn’t use that one for anyone else either.

Was that what Kei wanted to hear? Akiteru doubted it.

Was it so important for Kei to know that his brother missed him? Like, right now? Couldn’t he tell already?

Despite him not planning to answer the question because it already hurt enough just thinking about it, he still found himself typing a reply.

_[Yes]_

It was just one word, yet to him it held all the emotions that had piled up inside of him during the last few weeks. Maybe starting even long before, unnoticed. All those stupid, _stupid_ emotions that made him want to call Kei, jump in his car and drive all the way to his parents’ house just to see him and hug him and never let go.

Kei didn’t give him time to calm his mind or his trembling hands it seemed, his cellphone already buzzing with the next message as soon as he had hit ‘ _send’._

_[How much?]_

God, his little brother wanted to torture him, right? This really wouldn’t get them anywhere. A few other messages followed almost immediately.

_[Barely?]_

_[Like always?]_

_[A lot?]_

It made him lose his mind. Did Kei want to know that badly? _Now?_ Couldn’t he just let it be? Take Akiteru’s ‘ _yes’_ for an answer and be satisfied with it? Why did little brothers always have to be so damn demanding?! Troubled fingers combed through his hair before they hectically pushed button after button not even hesitating anymore. He regretted his reply the moment the screen showed him the confirmation of that it had indeed been sent.

_[A whole fucking lot and much more than I should. Would you please leave it be now?]_

God, he couldn’t just have written ‘ _a lot’_ now, could he?! Always succeeding to make things even worse. Yeah, that’s what he was truly good at it seemed.

When his cellphone announced Kei’s reply, Akiteru almost considered throwing his phone against one of his walls, to keep himself from reading it. Because of what he hoped the words would tell him. Because he feared that he wouldn’t be able to hold back, that he would end up saying things he’d only regret later. Things he _shouldn’t_ say nor think. Nor feel.

He still ended up reading the text.

_[I’m in your room right now]_

Tightening the grip on his cellphone, Akiteru couldn’t help but remember what his mother had told him. That Kei sometimes slept in his old room. Would he sleep in his old bed tonight as well? The same bed in which they had …

 _[You should go to bed],_ Akiteru told him, hoping that the messages would stop. Somehow wishing that they didn’t.

_[I am but I can’t sleep]_

So he really was sleeping in that bed again. Did Kei miss him too?

_[Why?]_

_[The pillow still smells like you]_

That made his heart do stupid things, like pound in his chest a lot faster than it should have. Just imagining Kei pressing his face into his pillow, trying to take in his smell, made other parts of his body do stupid things too. Even though they shouldn’t. Did Kei even know what he was doing?

 _[Then don’t sleep in my bed],_ is what Akiteru answered. One hand clutching his cellphone, the other a cushion to his left, both of them refusing to let go. Because he knew what they were going to do once he did.

_[But it’s what I came here for, stupid]_

Akiteru bet that his mother didn't know about that part. That the reason Kei’d sleep in his big brother’s bed tonight, was to smell his scent that still lingered on the pillow. What an improper and dangerous thing to say. Seemingly innocent but with an underlying innuendo anyone would be happy to hear from the person whose attention and desire they craved. It didn’t make him happy though. It made him irrational. Giddy. Stupid.

Yeah. Most of all stupid.

_[Do you like it?]_

Akiteru didn’t even know why he had asked that question. What kind of question was that even? Gritting his teeth and squeezing his eyes shut, Akiteru pressed the edge of his phone against his forehead, regretting his reply and feeling sick with anticipation over Kei’s, fingers releasing their grip on a cushion.

 

~ Kei ~

Did he like it? Niichan's smell?

Glasses slid up his face as Kei buried it into the pillow in question, inhaling as deeply as he could through his nose, trying to make out his brother's scent. When he found it, his eyes fluttered shut and his arms hugged the pillow tighter than before.

Did he like it?

What kind of question was that even?

His arms still encircling the pillow and face snuggling into the fabric, he wished it was stronger. Niichan hasn't been here for weeks though, so of course his scent was only faint. It wasn't easy to pinpoint anymore but he still could, if he only concentrated hard enough. Squeeze his eyes shut just like he would always do when Niichan held him close, then inhale deeply and wait for the familiar scent to wash over him.

Once it did, he remembered the warmth of his brother's body and voice, embracing him with strong arms and the feeling of gentle hands soothingly rubbing his back or ruffling his hair softly before pressing his face into the crook of his neck.

No matter how cold and confusing the world around him was, no matter how hostile, as long as that smell was there, Kei knew he'd be fine. He was safe and nothing could harm him, because Niichan would make sure of that.

That's why he wouldn't want Niichan to ever leave him again. Why he had been afraid that they'd never talk again, that they'd again drift apart and this time not find a way to mend their relationship.

But Kei had already decided to not repeat the mistakes from 5 years ago. He was older now. More mature. It had only taken him a few weeks to build up the courage this time. That and a few words from his best friend. Strange how Yamaguchi always knew what to say without having the slightest idea what had been going on. Kei guessed that's probably why they called it a best friend.

Without Yamaguchi, it probably would have taken Kei a lot longer to call. A few more weeks. Or months.

Maybe years.

He'd have kept himself shut in, despite him knowing how wrong it was. Despite him never wanting to make that mistake again. Yet it had needed his best friend to casually remind him that it was on him to keep that tragedy from happening again.

“ _Yeah, well … I'm just saying that … if you had, theoretically speaking … if you have had a fight, isn't it most important to make up again? You know because … wouldn't you both be really sad again if you didn't?”_

Blinking, his eyes scanned the message again.

Did he like Niichan's scent?

Of course he did. It was his favourite.

The scent he had smelled when he had opened his eyes in the morning years ago when he had been sick with fever. The very one that had engulfed him when Niichan had carried him on his back because Kei’s little legs had refused to carry him any further that one time their parents had taken them hiking. The scent he had always silently blamed when he had fallen asleep on the couch watching a movie he had wanted to see so badly. He wouldn't give Niichan that much detail though. In the end he settled for a simple and short answer. His brother could make of that whatever he wanted.

_[Yeah]_

There, he said it. Now Niichan knew. Kei let his head fall to the pillow again, shifting a bit so he was lying on his stomach, heart beating against the mattress.

Closing his eyes again, his mind drifted to memories of the last time he had smelled that scent around him. Not just on some stupid pillow but on Niichan himself.

He remembered how strong it had been, how all-consuming. It had been everywhere, impossible to ignore, and Kei remembered how he never wanted it to go away. How it had still made him feel safe and warm, but this time had also stirred up another feeling. It had made him aroused.

It still did now.

Just thinking about that night made him hard and before he knew it, Kei was pressing his stiff cock into the mattress, moving his hips to increase the pleasure. Inhaling deeply, he tried to recall how he had brushed his nose along Niichan's neck, how nice the skin had felt and how the scent had seemed to get stronger once he had started licking and sucking at hot flesh. How his brother had clung to him this time and how desperate his voice had sounded when he had moaned Kei’s name. No dream and no thought had ever turned him on that much, and there were plenty for him to compare with. A moan echoed through the dark room and Kei couldn't help but wish to hear Niichan's too.

Not enough, it wasn't enough.

His hand snaked down his body and when it finally slipped into his pants to grip his hard cock, Kei pressed his face into the pillow again to muffle the cry, his glasses already gone. They wouldn’t be needed within next few minutes. All that he wanted to see was in his head anyway.

Concentrating on breathing and moving his hand just right, he had almost missed the buzzing of his cellphone. Naturally, Kei contemplated ignoring it until he was finished and his brain's functions were back to normal. He didn't, though. His left hand grabbed his glasses and then moved to get the phone, clumsily opening the latest message while his right kept sliding up and down his hard length.

_[I don’t have anything that smells like you]_

Fuck.

Did he want to? Have something that smelled like Kei?

Did Niichan like his scent too?

His hand gripped harder now, stroking slowly, thumb brushing across the tip and drawing circles. Yet no matter how hard he tried, it just didn’t feel right.

And that was so fucked up because it had always felt just right before. He knew how to touch himself, he knew how he liked it. He fucking knew. But that wasn't what he really wanted, now was it? He didn't need it to feel like it always did. He wanted it to feel like back then, when it had been Niichan's hand instead of his own. Yeah. He really wanted Niichan to do it again.

Now.

He wanted to see him now, feel him and smell his brother's scent on his skin. Wanted to feel his warmth and taste his lips and lick and suck and hear Niichan moan his name over and over again in that voice he just couldn't get out of his mind.

“Fuck--!”

How did everything become so messed up? Why couldn't he just be normal, just once.

Just one fucking time.

A shaky hand turned his cellphone so he could see the screen again, Niichan's message still showing.

_I don't have anything that smells like you._

If he had, would Niichan smell on it too?

If, let's say, it was one of Kei's shirts, would Niichan hold it in front of his face and bury his nose in it too, and inhale deeply?

Would it turn him on too?

Would he start jerking off to Kei's scent, wishing it was his hand instead of his own too?

Would he moan Kei's name even though he wasn't even there?

Funny how one simple message made him think all these things. Staring at it, reading it over and over again, he imagined Niichan whispering the same words into his ear. Imagined his hot breath tickling his ear and his body's weight on top of his, keeping him down. Niichan would be hard too.

Yeah.

He'd surely rub his cock against Kei's ass, clutching his hand and moaning his name again and again. Moving against him, grinding himself into Kei, first slowly and sensually, then hard and demanding.

The thought of using a finger again popped up in his head but before he could, he already came with a shudder, staining the sheets again, his eyes still plastered to the screen of his phone.

He needed to shower. Or at least wash his hand because he could feel his cum on it, wet and cold. Just a few more minutes. Yeah. He just needed a few more minutes. Niichan was probably already asleep and if not, he most likely believed Kei to be. More than 10 minutes had passed since his brother had sent the message. Did he worry that Kei had found his message unsettling? Did he stare at his phone, hoping that Kei'd send a reply?

_I don't have anything that smells like you._

Smiling sleepily, Kei started to type a message. It was probably the most embarrassing thing he had ever written and he was more than thankful for the fact that, should anyone ever read it, only him and Niichan knew which meaning it actually held.

_[Maybe you shouldn't have washed the shirt then]_

 


	3. Chapter 3

~ Akiteru ~

"Fuck, the rain's getting heavier every second now. Did the forecast even mention anything remotely like that?"

The car stopped at a red light.

"I didn’t check, otherwise I sure would have taken the car myself or simply brought an umbrella," Akiteru said, looking out of the passenger window. Heavy wind lashed rain over pavements and some poor fools had tried to find shelter below a shop’s awning. But by the look of it, to no avail. At least if their rain-drenched clothes were anything to go by. A woman crossed the street, trying to protect herself with her umbrella. It was a pink one with some kind of pattern but the rain was too heavy and the thing moving too much for Akiteru to make out what it was. Maybe bunnies or cats or something. Well, not that it mattered. Even a dinosaur pattern wouldn’t have helped to make that umbrella anything but an easy prey for the wind. "Although I'm not too sure how much that would have helped me." Wincing, Akiteru watched as the pink thing suddenly turned inside out, abandoning the woman to her fate.

Akaizawa let out a raspy laugh and engaged the first gear to get the car moving when the lights switched to green again. "Oh, I'm sure it would have kept you dry for at least  a few meters."

Leaning his head against the cool glass, Akiteru offered a smile. "Yeah, probably. Anyway, thanks for the lift."

First he had been wary about the offer, afraid that it was just some kind of pretext to get him to pour his heart out. About why he was acting like he had been the last few weeks. To be honest, Akiteru didn’t really think he behaved a lot differently than months ago, at least he tried his best not to let anyone see how much he hurt. Obviously, he hadn’t tried hard enough if Akaizawa had felt sorry enough for him to offer a lift. But Akiteru had no right to complain, seeing how he’d get home dry and also faster than when going by bus. Moreover, the other man hadn’t once asked any question about his well-being and there were no awkward silences either, so Akiteru guessed it was alright.

"Yeah, don't mention it. Can't let you walk home like that. You'd catch a cold and be missing for the next match. I wouldn't hear the end of it." That actually made Akiteru smile, he didn’t even have to force it this time.

The car went left, passing along familiar shops and buildings. Just a few more minutes and he'd be home.

It was nice having people around that cared about you. It was even better seeing how even though he wasn’t the ace, his team wanted him in the matches anyway. At least that’s what Akaizawa had implied. And seeing how Akiteru was always one of the starting members, he guessed that he wasn’t _that_ bad either. That was a good thing, right? Sitting up straight again, Akiteru flashed a suggestive grin. "You're so considerate, Akaizawa-san! I shall repay you with Sake next time we’re out and even drive you home afterwards. How does that sound?"

"Like I just hit the jackpot!"

They were silent for a while, Akaizawa concentrating on the road ahead, squinting from time to time as visibility was getting poorer and poorer. The rain sure was getting stronger, aggressively drumming against metal and glass.

"It's the building over there, right?" He asked, gesturing towards his apartment complex.

"Yeah." Turning towards the backseat, Akiteru reached to get a hold of his sports bag but no matter how much he stretched his arm, couldn’t due to the seat belt restricting his movements. When the car came to a halt, he opened it and finally managed to grab the bag, hoisting it onto his lap. He was just about to say his thanks and reach for the door handle when he heard Akaizawa speak again.

"Say Tsukishima, did something happen with your brother?"

Akiteru froze in place. His heart picked up a rapid beat, sounding in his ears and drowning out even the heavy rain for a moment, hands gripping his sports bag tightly. So he did want to have a talk in the end. Afraid to look at the other man, Akiteru kept his gaze down, trying desperately to make sense of Akaizawa’s words.

Why would he ask something like that?

How could he have known?

Did he know?

Of course not.

No matter how hard he thought about it, there wasn’t any chance for anyone to know about that. He hadn’t told anyone and even if Kei had, it would have been Tadashi or Mom and Dad, not Akaizawa.

So why would he ask about Kei?

Akiteru lifted his head slowly and realised too late that he probably should have said something immediately, not gape at his team-mate.

This would give him away, right?

What was he supposed to say, though? He was just about to start stuttering some unintelligible nonsense when Akaizawa gestured towards the building's entrance.

"Well, that's your little brother over there, isn't it?" Akiteru's head whipped around towards the direction Akaizawa had pointed to. It was indeed Kei. It took his brain a few seconds to process the information.

It was definitely Kei.

His little brother was sitting on the stairs in front of his apartment building, hair wet and plastered to his face, his clothes were soaked too. It reminded him of a puppy someone had left out in the cold rain, shivering and waiting for a gentle hand to let him in.

What was Kei doing here?

"That beanpole's probably in trouble. Why else would he come to your place and wait for his big brother in the fucking rain instead of staying home. That reminds me, does your family never bring umbrellas or what?" Not taking his eyes of Kei, Akiteru barely paid any attention to his team-mate, hurrying to get up and out of the car to get his little brother inside and out of the cold.

Pushing the passenger door open with much more force than what would have been necessary, he hastily turned around to say his thanks before running off to where his little brother was waiting. The sounds of a car door slamming shut must have drawn his attention as Kei’s head immediately shot up.

"Kei!" His little brother had started to get to his feet the moment he had seen him running.

"What the fuck were you thinking?!" A flash of hurt washed over Kei's face before he averted his eyes, staring at the ground next to Akiteru's feet.

"I ..."

"Are you nuts? It's raining cats and dogs and you're sitting in the midst of it, at 10 in the evening. Are you trying to get yourself sick?" Trembling hands shot out to grab his brother's face, to make him look at him and see the worry, the skin wet and icy cold. "God, you're cold!"

Worried hands let go of his face and went to fumble for the keys to open the heavy doors. When he had pushed them open, Akiteru turned towards Kei and grabbed his brother's hand, pulling him inside and upstairs.

Kei would start protesting any second now, he was sure of it. Reminding him that he wasn’t a kid anymore, that there was no need to hold his hand. But even if he did, Akiteru wouldn’t let go. To his surprise though, his little brother didn’t argue, didn’t try to pull away.

Instead, fingers as cold and wet as Kei’s face curled around his shyly and let Akiteru drag him around just like that, following blindly.

“God, if mom finds out she's gonna kill me …,” was the first thing Akiteru was able to mutter once they stood in front of his apartment.

“Why didn't you just call me and say you were here? How long have you been sitting out there anyway?”

When he let go of Kei’s hand, hoisting his sports bag up his shoulder again and sorting through the keys, it had almost seemed as if Kei had tried to hold onto him, cold fingers reaching out to bring their hands close again. But as he had turned his head to check, the hand was already balled to a fist, dangling at Kei’s side, his little brother’s gaze fixed to the floor.

Hectic fingers continued to search for the right key and when they finally got hold of it, went to hurriedly unlock the door and push it open, shoving his little brother inside immediately.

So far Kei hadn't really said anything and that made Akiteru worry even more. It was as if someone had just flipped a switch in his head and all he could think of was that his little baby brother was drenched to his bones and cold and that he needed to act now or Kei would get sick and it would have been Akiteru’s fault. It was his responsibility to take care of his little brother, right?

So first he needed to get him out of his wet clothes and then warm him up. Easy.

“Get out of those clothes.” It sounded more like an order than a well-intentioned suggestion and maybe that was why Kei still hadn't moved one bit. As if some invisible force had taken control of his body and with that his ability to move his limbs or his head. Rain water was dripping from his jacket, slowly forming a little puddle at his feet. Throwing his sports bag into the corner to his right, Akiteru walked up to Kei and tried to get his brother to look at him.

“Kei, did you hear?” He attempted to make it sound less like a demand, hoping that Kei would pay attention to him this way but still couldn't get the urgency out of his voice.

“Listen, you're completely drenched and if you don't take these off now, you'll get sick. So please just do what I tell you.”

When Kei still didn't move, his hands grabbed Kei's jacket and started peeling it off his little brother's trembling body instead, earning him a surprised gasp. He really didn't think much of it. They were brothers and since Kei didn't undress himself, Akiteru had to do it instead. He had often done the exact same thing back when Kei had been little so it was perfectly fine and there really wasn't anything abnormal about it. That was, until he realised how suggestive it might have seemed now considering that one of these brothers had jerked off to messages and thoughts of the other more than once. How him pulling and tearing at Kei's clothes, eager to get to naked skin wasn't fine at all and how one stupid night had made his intentions seem more than questionable.

By the time realization hit him, his breathing was far from steady. Kei's was too, his eyes still plastered stubbornly at the ground and teeth gnawing at soft lips.

Akiteru wanted to tell him to stop, that he’d draw blood if he continued to treat them like this. Staring, he wanted to brush his thumb across the rosy flesh. It would be cold just like the rest of Kei and Akiteru wanted to warm it, cover those sweet lips with his, suck them into his warm mouth and caress them with his tongue.

God, what was he thinking?

Why couldn't he just do something totally normal, like taking care of his little brother, without it turning into something sick and disgusting?

A shaky breath passed his lips and he willed his hands to stop their actions. To let go of his brother's shirt, letting it slide back down his stomach while he let his gaze drop to the floor and took a step back.

He knew why he had avoided seeing Kei within the last few weeks. The messages they had sent each other last week the first contact he’d allowed since that night. Thinking about how he had touched himself while reading his brother’s words still filled him with shame.

He had deleted every single text Kei had sent him since then. Hadn’t answered. Had even turned his cellphone off occasionally. Mostly whenever he couldn’t stop thinking about Kei and the urge to talk to him or see him – _touch him –_ had gotten so big that he didn’t trust himself anymore.

Feared that he’d do something stupid again.

He couldn’t hide now though.

“Get … get out of these clothes. I … I'll get you something … to change so ... yeah.”

  


~ Kei ~

He didn't even know what he had expected, why he had come at all, left his house in a hurry to still get the next train to Sendai. His mom had shouted after him, demanding to know where he was off to at this hour but had not argued with him when he had told her, “I'll stay over at Niichan's.”

She probably hoped that they’d make up and that’s why she had let him go just like this. Sadly, Kei wasn’t sure how they were supposed to do that. Get back to normality, that was. He had tried to. Yet he still ended up thinking about Niichan whenever he touched himself at night, mouthing his name into the pillow.

It even haunted him at day.

During class he’d sometimes find himself picturing Niichan’s face, thinking of how much he missed him. Only to try and recall how his brother’s lips had tasted on his own and how amazing his hard body had felt on his. How he had loved to feel Niichan’s cock slide against his own.

Kei would always have to hide the bulge in his pants then, afraid that someone would notice and laugh at him because he had gotten a hard-on during class.

Would they still laugh if they knew that he only ever thought about his brother?

They probably would.

Laugh at him and shoot him disgusted looks, whispering behind his back about that strange boy who wanted to do it with his own brother.

And how laughable it was.

How pathetic.

Squeezing his eyes shut, Kei tried to push these thoughts as far away as possible. They wouldn’t be any help here.

Slowly, his fingers unbuttoned his pants, afraid to get out of them and let the erection show.

He had been afraid from the start.

Not of Niichan, but of himself.

Because of how much he had wanted to feel his brother’s body against his own. How much he had craved the warmth and the caress.

So much that he couldn’t stand being away from him anymore.

Couldn’t stand not getting an answer to his texts.

Being ignored.

Listening to the mailbox _again_ even though he had only wanted to hear his brother’s voice.

He had tried reasoning with himself, repeating that this was wrong in his head over and over again.

That Niichan wouldn’t want him and that’s why he turned off his phone. That he was right, of course. That Kei was the one acting irrational and naive.

However, the voice had gotten quieter and quieter until he couldn’t hear it anymore. Leaving only the recollection of his brother’s pants and the way he had said Kei’s name. His body had taken control then, tingling with anticipation, and his heart had threatened to burst should he not act immediately. It had been torture. This was fucking wrong but if Niichan would only hug him tightly, hold him close and kiss his head, if Kei’d be able to smell his scent again, it would be worth going all the way to Sendai. He hadn’t dared hope for anything else.

Of course Niichan had only been worried and had wanted him to get the wet clothes off.

Of course.

Kei knew that.

But still.

He wished it hadn’t just been brotherly touches. He wished Niichan hadn’t stopped, obviously realizing what he had been doing.

If Kei were someone else, someone who wasn’t his brother, would Niichan have continued?

Would he have kissed the lips he had been staring at for more than what would have been appropriate?

Hurriedly, Kei pulled the t-shirt over his head and used it to cover the bulge in his pants when Niichan returned to bring him dry clothes.

“Here,” his voice was raspy and it was obvious that his brother tried not to look at him as he handed him the clothes, staring at anything but Kei.

“I got you a towel too.”

As soon as Kei had taken a hold of the pile of fabric, his brother was hurrying towards the kitchen, away from him. “I’ll go make you some hot tea in the meantime.”

Letting the t-shirt drop to the floor as soon as his brother was out of sight, Kei placed the clothes on the little sideboard to his left and used the towel to dry himself, rubbing it hard along naked skin causing it to redden slightly. His erection had already died down a bit but even so, he still preferred to be fully dressed when Niichan returned.

Throwing the towel on top of the pile of his wet clothes, Kei reached for the jogging pants his brother had brought him. The fabric was soft and thick.

Did Niichan wear them a lot?

They sure were comfortable and warm. They sure smelled like his brother. A quick look was shot into the direction of the kitchen but Niichan was still busy, rummaging through cupboards, tableware clicking. Lifting the garment to his nose, Kei checked for his brother again before he let himself inhale deeply. Niichan’s scent rushed through his nostrils, filling him and travelling all the way down to his cock to make it harden again. Clutching the fabric, he closed his eyes, trying not to let his mind wander but failing. Pictures of his brother wearing that stupid thing popped up in his mind. Thick, warm fabric hugging Niichan’s skin, sliding against his crotch and …

Breathing heavily, Kei let the pants drop from his hold.

He was such a pervert.

If he were at home, if Niichan wasn’t with him, right around the corner, he probably would have jerked off now.

Yeah.

He would have jerked off with the fucking pants pressed to his face, inhaling his brother’s scent. He couldn’t wear it. Not the pants and not the shirt.

Hesitantly walking over to the couch, Kei winced at the prospect of feeling the cold leather on his skin but slowly sat down anyway. It was just as cold as expected. The additional cold crept up his legs and before he knew it, his body was shaking again. Of course he tried to control it, tried to keep it down before Niichan saw and started to worry even more, but the shaking wouldn't stop. Neither would the quivering of his lips or the chattering of his teeth. Kei drew his legs up, hugging them in order to get more warmth but it turned out to be of little avail. At least it helped hiding his arousal. When Niichan emerged from the kitchen, carrying a mug with the promised hot tea, Kei only hoped that he didn't look as pitiful as he felt.

“God, Kei …”

Alright, so he did look just as pitiful as he felt.

His brother hurried towards him and when he had put the mug down, rushed to the bedroom, the sound of him ripping various drawers open echoing through the small apartment.

Once he returned, Niichan crouched down in front of Kei and threw a thick woolen blanket around his shoulders, the soft fabric caressing his skin. Kei tried not to look at his brother, his scent and closeness already enough to make his heart jump out of his chest. Desperate to distract himself, his gaze locked onto Niichan's hands, still holding onto the blanket to either side of him, keeping it in place as if afraid that Kei’d just shrug it off should he let go. How he wanted to feel them touch his skin, rub along his arms and chest … Kei bit his lips.

Hard.

Niichan’s voice was quiet when he spoke, “Kei, please. Why didn't you just put on the clothes I gave you? Please don't make it so hard for me.”

And how was he supposed to answer that? Tell Niichan that he couldn't wear them because they had his scent and smelling it around him made his mind do strange things? Should he give Niichan a bit more detail than during their messages days ago and admit that his scent made him so fucking hard that he wanted nothing more than to pump his cock and pretend it was Niichan’s hand? That despite him knowing how abnormal and sick it was, it made Kei want to repeat what they had done that night and rub himself against his brother. Was he supposed to reveal that with a straight face?

He wanted to cry.

Yeah.

At least Niichan couldn’t ignore him now.

“I …,” his voice was only a whisper but he could tell that Niichan understood every word from the way his grip on the blanket tightened. “ … I don't know … what … to do anymore … I …,” he could hear his voice crack a bit, trembling.

 _I miss you,_ is what he had wanted to say.

_I miss you so bad._

But he couldn’t. The words just wouldn’t come out no matter how hard he tried.

Neither would all the other things he wanted to tell his brother. Things like _I want you_ or _I don’t care about what anyone thinks._

_I love you._

Mostly because just thinking to tell Niichan made his face heat up in embarrassment and he feared Niichan would push him away more than he already had the past weeks.

His brother let out a shaky breath and moved to lean his forehead against Kei's knees. Hands tugged at the blanket a few times before releasing it and covering his knees, warming the icy skin there. Hot breath ghosted along his shins causing him to shudder and his cock to twitch. A trembling hand covered Kei’s mouth just in time to muffle a pained sob.

“I don't know either …,” his brother said under his breath. And weren’t big brother’s supposed to know?

Gripping his glasses, Kei slowly took them off in order to rub his eyes and push the tears back again.

“I wish I knew but … but I don’t and,” Niichan swallowed thickly. “You … you shouldn't be here and you should … stay away from me so … because I … I …”

When he heard Niichan's voice crack too, Kei put his glasses on the table and let his fingers reach out to touch soft hair, soothingly combing through blond strands while his brother suppressed sob after sob. At least he tried. But Kei was sure that tears were already streaming down his face.

"I don't want to ..." It was only a faint whisper. Long legs shifted and slid down the couch, stretching out to either side of his brother before Kei reached for his head again and urged him to rest it on his thighs. Strong hands grabbed his to pull them away, to break the contact as Niichan resisted half-heartedly but Kei wouldn't let him so he tightened his grip and leaned forward to cover his brother's body with his own, the blanket falling from his shoulders.

Breathing in that familiar scent at the nape of Niichan’s neck, Kei's hands wandered to clutch at more than soft strands, raking along Niichan's back in a desperate attempt to bring him closer, to keep him from running. It only occurred to him in what kind of position he had maneuvered them as his brother finally gave up, pressing a wet cheek against his thigh and his hot breath ghosted along the inner sides of his legs, sending shivers down his spine.

“I … I just love you so much …,” another sob escaped his mouth, hands now clutching at Kei’s shoulders and back, pulling him closer.

It took a while for Niichan to stop crying and when he did, Kei almost felt disappointed, because that meant he’d have to stop embracing him soon enough. Niichan would want to get up and away from him again, pretending that everything was fine. That he didn’t hurt just as much.

When his brother shifted, Kei took that as the sign that the moment had come and even though he didn’t want to, he wouldn’t force Niichan to stay with him like this.

Taken aback, Kei inhaled sharply as a long, gentle kiss was pressed to his skin just as he had started to sit up, before Niichan nuzzled his thigh with his nose.

“I’m sorry …,” followed, breathed against the skin of his legs that had just been kissed.

Heart drumming, Kei’s hands combed through his brother’s hair anew, tugging slightly as he whispered, “Once more.”

Honestly, it could have meant anything and Kei feared that his brother had misunderstood and saw it as a jab at him saying ‘ _sorry’_ all the time. Yet the moment a second kiss was placed, he knew his brother understood just fine.

“Once more …” Another kiss followed his request, making him painfully aware of his growing erection. Had Niichan already noticed?

“Once more …. once more …” Soft lips moved against his skin whenever Kei asked them to, slowly wandering farther up his skin.

“Kei, god, please … push me off please, I …,” was muttered between kisses but Kei only continued to tug at his brother’s hair.

“Once more.”

A silent moan left his mouth when Niichan buried his face in his crotch, inhaling deeply, moaning his name.

“You’re hard,” his brother declared, voice muffled by the fabric.

Yeah. _And it’s your fucking fault._

“Once more.” Kei had meant to say it just so he’d get another kiss but realized what other meaning it held. Yeah. He was hard once more.

Squeezing his legs around his brother, drawing him even closer, hands moved to claw at Niichan’s shirt intent on pulling it up and exposing skin. Soft, warm skin he wanted to feel on his own so badly.

Hot breath warmed his cock through thin fabric and made it twitch in anticipation. Niichan was doing it on purpose, Kei was sure of it, panting hot breath against his clothed erection and dampening his pants. Warm, strong hands pushed up the outer side of his thighs causing Kei to groan, wishing for more. More pressure, more contact, more skin. He tried telling his brother but the mouth at his crotch kept him from thinking straight, only eliciting shy hums instead of words, so he simply opted for hesitantly shoving Niichan’s face into his crotch. Silently telling his brother to go ahead, that it was fine to do it and that it was by far not enough. His head felt dizzy and Kei was barely able to keep track of what was happening around him. When Niichan’s hands grabbed the hem of his shorts, Kei lifted his hips automatically and before he even registered it sliding over his ass, pleasure shot through him, drawing out a long moan.

 

~ Akiteru ~

He had wanted to take it slow, start with a soft kiss to the tip like girls often choose to and then maybe lick along the shaft, get used to the texture and the taste. But somehow, along the way of pulling Kei’s pants down and seeing his swollen cock, head already glistening with pre-cum, his mind had forgotten and he had taken his entire length in one go. Sucking the hard flesh into his mouth as far as he was able to without gagging, causing his little brother to let out a husky and long moan, fingers clawing at his skull.

Fresh air tainted with Kei’s scent, more musky now than he remembered, forced it’s way through his nostrils and into his lungs, little hairs almost tickling the tip of his nose. When Akiteru exhaled sharply again, pushing them back with a gush of air, the hot flesh between his lips twitched and a needy little whine escaped Kei’s mouth before his little brother was able to suppress it.

His mind went blank. The only thing he had been able to remember was that Kei’s hushed ‘ _once more’_ meant his little brother wanted him to place another kiss. It didn’t seem to matter where he placed it. But if Kei liked it, he’d pull his hair slightly and the next ‘ _once more’_ would be quieter, more breathless.

Right now, his scalp hurt and no matter how hard he concentrated, the little pleas were gone, replaced by heavy, erratic breathing. His hand pressed against Kei’s chest, heart drumming excitingly, until his little brother started leaning backwards, making it easier for Akiteru to suck him off. It was impossible to stop. He hadn’t expected to like it. Then again, what straight guy ever expects to like another’s cock in their mouth and sucking on it.

This wasn’t just _some_ other guy though.

This was _Kei_ burying his fingers in his hair and panting sweet ‘ _Niichan’_ s between trembling fingers. The sounds and the scent paired with the unfamiliar taste and feeling of Kei’s cock, sliding in and out of his mouth, slick with saliva already dripping down his fingers, nearly made him go mad. Looking up from between his brother’s legs, Akiteru suddenly didn’t care about whether this was right or wrong anymore. All he cared about was making his little brother feel good. To see that beautiful face contort in lust and bliss, eyes shut tight.

While his right hand kept pumping the shaft in time with his mouth, Akiteru’s left reached up to cup a soft cheek. Fingers that only meant to lovingly brush along smooth lips were soon lapped at, a hungry mouth sucking and biting at them. He couldn’t keep his mind from tormenting him then, replacing his fingers with his cock, Kei’s tongue swirling and licking his head, teeth nibbling along his shaft. The thought made him moan around the throbbing length, his hands itching to touch himself. Kei’s desperate pants turned more desperate and Akiteru could tell his little brother was close.

When he increased the tempo, sliding his lips along the shaft more eagerly, massaging the vein at the bottom with his tongue, pants turned into moans and it took Akiteru all of his self-control to not start jerking himself off right now.

And god, did he want to.

His cock already dripping pre-cum and so painfully hard that he feared to explode should he have to endure it much longer.

“Niichan …” _Yes._

Just a little bit more.

“Niichan … I …”

The first warning was Kei desperately pulling at his hair, still moaning his name but this time he was unable to restrain himself, throwing his head back, mouth falling open slack. Seconds after, Akiteru felt the hot flesh between his lips throb and pump until a warm liquid shot into his mouth accompanied by a beautiful cry of pleasure. Bucking hips nearly caused him to gag but Akiteru made sure not to stop, sucking the pulsing flesh until the last drops of cum had landed on his tongue and the grip on his hair loosened.

The girls Akiteru had been with so far had always spit it out afterwards, so he had assumed the taste to be awful or unpleasant. Yet somehow, it wasn't as bad as he had expected and before he had realised, he had already swallowed all of it. Letting the limp member drop from his mouth and looking up, he found his little brother had been watching him all this time through half-lidded eyes, his expression relaxed and at ease.

God, he looked so beautiful like that. If this was the result of him breaking every fucking law and social standard, he didn't mind burning in hell for making his little brother look like that.

When Kei squinted his eyes and moved to reach for his glasses on the little table next to the couch, Akiteru remembered that his little brother probably couldn’t see a thing. Not the expression on his face, flush spreading over his cheeks nor the huge bulge in his pants.

Heaving himself up from the floor, Akiteru climbed onto the couch, placing soft little kisses on Kei's skin as he slid up his body until he finally reached his face. Beautiful caramel eyes stared back at him, lips curved into a nearly invisible smile when he nuzzled Kei's cheek and pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth.

"What about you?" Kei whispered almost shyly, his voice raspy, caramel eyes searching his face while a trembling leg slid up against his arousal.

"Don't worry, I'll take care of it myself."

"I don’t want that." Another whisper, this time followed by soft lips on his and a warm palm pressing against his painfully erect cock, causing Akiteru to groan into his brother's mouth. “Why would you when I’m right here?” Wincing, Akiteru squeezed his eyes shut, pressing his lips against Kei’s hard before burying his face in the crook of a white neck and inhaling deeply to smell that sweet scent that made him loose his mind.

“God, I want you so much right now …” Now it was his turn to whisper shyly.

“I don’t mind.”

Moving his head to rest on Kei’s chest, Akiteru let out a shaky breath, “… You don’t know what you’re saying, Kei.”

“Niichan … I’m 16. I’ve been aware of the concept of sex for years."

Gods, sometimes Akiteru wondered what had happened to his sweet little innocent brother and if mom had ever thought the same when looking at him. No, he really didn't need thoughts of his - _their -_ mother right now.

“Yeah. The concept. Kei ... this is different and I ... I don’t want to hurt you ...”

Soft sucking noises reached his ears then and for a short moment Akiteru seriously suspected that Kei wanted him to lose his fucking mind. God, he really needed to get up and to the bathroom. He needed a release already. His little brother shifted slightly and let his hand rake down his body. Just as Akiteru started to push himself up and go take care of his painfully hard cock, Kei inhaled sharply, his left hand clutching at Akiteru’s back, pulling him down again forcefully. Looking up, all Akiteru could see was half of Kei’s face pressed against the cushion of his couch. His hand was moving though and Kei let out little pants, his cheeks still flushed and his eyes avoiding Akiteru’s gaze.

“What are you doing …?” No answer. Nudging his brother’s head lovingly, he tried again, hot breaths mixing between their lips. “Kei, what are you doing?”

Akiteru's hand brushed along his brother's arm, following it’s way until his hand joined the one between Kei’s legs, fingers gliding over fingers to find two of them already buried in his brother’s ass, slowly pushing deeper.

“God, Kei ...” A groan echoed through the room, resounding in his ears and vibrating through his veins, hungry and desperate. It had been his own. At first he had wanted to tell Kei not to do that. That he didn't need to do it. That Akiteru was fine jerking himself off in the bathroom. Yet his body had already betrayed him. Lips sliding against Kei's passionately, his heart and cock rejoicing as the kiss deepened and tongues met, licking and dancing. His right hand had already taken action too, gently stroking his brother's forehead, brushing strands of hair out of his face and tracing his eyebrows now and then in a calming motion. So much more innocent than his left one, which still lingered on Kei's, feeling his fingers slide in and out between the tight muscle and wanted nothing more than to join. To press into him as well.

But it didn’t.

Touching the skin around the opening was as far as he dared to go, circling the hole and stroking two fingers along with slight pressure, his palm still covering the back of Kei’s hand. Moving with him. A third digit was positioned ready to push in as well, but when it only elicited a pained sob, Akiteru grabbed his little brother’s hand, stilling it and slowly pulling it away.

“Stop,” is all he whispered against Kei’s temple, blowing soft kisses across his cheek.

“Niichan …” Stubbornly, the hand in his grip tried wriggling free, eager to pick up where it had left off but Akiteru wouldn’t let it, holding onto it tightly.

“I said stop.” It was demanding, a voice he rarely used on Kei but in the end had the desired effect. Nuzzling his little brother’s face again, he let go of the other’s hand and reached down to let careful fingers brush over the tormented muscle, causing a low hum in Kei’s throat.

“It’s too dry.”

“I can just--”

“No,” Akiteru cut him off, using the same voice he had before.

Slowly lifting himself up, he let his lips graze Kei’s ear and whispered, “Turn around.”

As soon as his little brother did, Akiteru removed his shirt and slid off the couch, his knees hitting the hard floor while hands latched onto Kei’s hips, drawing his ass up and towards himself. That bold move earned him a slightly shocked gasp, followed by another one when his warm palm rubbed over a sensitive cheek. Surprisingly, kissing the spot where his hand just had been didn’t evoke a gasp. The next one only came once he bit down playfully, followed by a little whine and a hushed “Niichan … what …?”

What? Well, wasn’t it obvious now? Little puffs announced where his mouth would be touching next, kissing or licking, so Kei’d have time to prepare himself. The next spot though, he wouldn’t announce like that. Sucking at soft skin, Akiteru let his tongue dart out and slowly lick it’s way towards the center, hands stroking the cheeks before spreading them carefully. When his tongue tentatively moved over the now exposed rosy hole, Kei bucked his hips, intent on drawing them away, gasping.

“Niichan!” Akiteru’s mouth followed though and the next time he used more pressure, his wet tongue gliding over sensitive flesh slowly, over and over again, hands clutching to keep the other’s hips from moving. “Niichan …” What had been a shocked little gasp before had now almost turned into a moan, legs trembling. Akiteru’s hand wandered upwards, following Kei’s spine, slowly brushing up and down, creating friction and causing his little brother to move his hips along. Experimentally, he let his tongue lick downwards, massaging the area between hole and sack, eliciting little needy whines. Clutching the back of the couch, forehead resting on his arms, Kei had begun moaning again, low and needy, pushing back into Akiteru’s mouth, once he had started licking and sucking his sack. After an orgasm, Akiteru didn’t really like to be touched there, the area too sensitive by then for him to actually enjoy it but it seemed his little brother didn’t mind at all.

On the contrary.

Taking a short break to move his mouth upwards and wet his brother’s opening, slowly dipping his tongue in and out a few times and then leaving enough spit to run down between his cheeks, Akiteru returned to lap at Kei’s sack before carefully pressing his slick thumb into the wet hole.

  


~ Kei ~

The moment his brother's finger pressed into him, slowly, Kei bit down on his wrist to muffle a moan. It was hard to tell what had caused it. Most probably Niichan's warm, wet mouth at his sack but then again, having his brother's finger enter him hadn't been that bad either. It didn't hurt, not even when he moved it in and out. It was different from when he had done it himself too. Maybe because this time, he didn't need to imagine that it was Niichan's finger when he knew it wasn't. When he had first experimentally pressed one finger into his ass while jerking off to thoughts of his brother, it had been more than weird. He didn't really get why some liked doing that.

Or why he had done it again.

Because it had still felt weird.

But as soon as he had closed his eyes and imagined Niichan's body over his, hardness pressing against his opening, begging him to please let him enter, Kei had found himself moaning, pushing deeper and adding another finger.

Now, though, now it was so much better.

Because he didn't have to pretend his fingers belonged to someone else anymore.

Because Niichan was sucking at all the right places and his hand was warm and gentle.

Because his scent was everywhere.

Because it was real, clinging to hot skin instead of faintly lingering on some pillow or bed sheet.

A whine escaped his mouth as the thumb left his ass just to be replaced by Niichan's tongue again. Kei had wanted to complain about how dirty it was and how this was absolutely no place to lick at. How it probably tasted bad and that Niichan should be licking into his mouth instead. Moments later a finger pushed into him again, slowly followed by another one, tongue still lapping eagerly, dipping in again between the two digits and with it a third one entered. At least Kei thought it had been three now. _Three._ Three fingers in his ass.

Fuck, how would a dick ever fit if three fingers already filled him like this?

Squeezing his eyes shut, Kei tried to relax, tried not to clench but failed and once the fingers pressed deeper it hurt and he couldn't muffle the cry this time.

Naturally, the fingers stopped moving, stilling for a moment before Niichan pulled them out one by one, kissing the muscle and brushing his strong hands along Kei's skin.

His brother's warmth suddenly covered his back, voice right next to his ear, whispering breathlessly, “Kei, let’s stop.”

No. He didn't want to. He wanted to feel his brother closer, as close as possible, surrounded by his scent and safe and loved and warm.

He wanted to come again.

Yeah.

He wanted to make Niichan come too. To make him feel good too. Yearned to hear him say his name. Not like he always did. No. He yearned for that voice, a low hum dripping with desire which had probably only ever carried the names of cute girls. The voice he shouldn’t ever use on Kei but had done so anyway weeks ago. Pushing his ass back into Niichan's crotch, Kei moved his hips suggestively, feeling his hardness through soft fabric and eliciting a long throaty groan.

“Kei …” Yeah. That voice was good too.

“Do you want me to beg?” He couldn't believe he had said that out loud. Well, more in a hushed whisper but Niichan had still heard, his panting all the answer Kei would get.

Without warning, a warm hand reached around, cupping his balls and rolling them gently, causing Kei to buck his hips and moan. Fuck, he did a lot of moaning today.

A wet mouth was placed at his shoulder, nibbling and sucking before moving to repeat the actions at his neck. Meanwhile, fingers brushed along his arm, causing goose bumps and a soft hum before they intertwined with Kei's.

“I'll be back in a second.” What was that supposed to mean? Did Niichan really prefer to jerk off alone?

Already panting heavily, Niichan pulled their hands away from the couch and between Kei’s legs to make him touch himself in the same fashion Niichan had done before, his left hand already gone. Hot breath ghosted along Kei's ear and when he whined, a kiss was pressed to his temple.

“Shh~ pretend it's my hand until I'm back.”

If only he knew how good Kei was at that by now.

With that, the warmth was suddenly gone and he was left with his own hand at his balls and cock, moving like his brother had done but unable to feel anything like it.

It was frightening how much control Niichan had over him. How he only had to hum these little words into his skin and Kei'd obey, not even thinking about doing anything else.

No one else was ever able to have that effect on him.

He doubted that anyone ever would.

He doubted Niichan even knew.

Rummaging could be heard from somewhere, maybe the bathroom but it was hard to tell and honestly, Kei didn't really care. Hesitantly, he let his fingers brush over sensitive skin, just like his brother had told him, burying his face into his arm still resting on the back of the couch. He tried not to think about what kind of sight he must have given, how embarrassing his current position was. No. Don’t think about that. Niichan’s hand. Think about Niichan’s hand.

Without a warning, the hand in question brushed along his leg, causing Kei to jump a little at the sudden contact, and slowly wandered across his ass and up his back, leaving a trail of warmth. The couch dipped and Kei had to bite his hand again, suppressing a whine, when a wet tongue licked it’s way up along his spine, lips nipping at his shoulder blade and neck before sucking at his earlobe. A low hum vibrated in his throat as Niichan’s warm body finally pressed against his back again, arms encircling him and holding him close while his brother’s hardness rubbed between his legs. This time without fabric to prevent skin touching skin, smearing pre-cum along his inner thigh and pushing against tight balls. The air between them was hot, skin sliding against skin and creating that sweet friction he so craved while breathless pants resounded from the walls and made the room seem smaller with every second.

More.

Desperate little whines and moans finally carried his name across his jaw when Kei’s hand moved to touch his brother’s hot length instead of his own, stroking fast just to hear Niichan make those sounds again. Make him moan and move his hips and graze his jaw with teeth. Make him pant his name just like back then.

“Kei.” Yeah. “Kei. Stop,” another moan. Yeah.

Before he even realized, Niichan had already pulled his hand away and strong hands grabbed his shoulders to turn him around and push him onto his back. Kei had opened his mouth in a gasp when Niichan’s full weight came crashing down on him, pressing him further into the couch and covering his mouth with his own. Tongues dancing and teeth nibbling, air hot and suffocating between them.

Yeah.

That’s what he had wanted all along.

Burying his hands in Niichan’s hair and drawing him closer, kissing and sucking while feeling his hard body on his. Some faint snapping sound echoed through the room before something cold grazed his belly. Opening his eyes, Kei tried to see what it was but couldn’t make out much thanks to his glasses gone.

“Works much better than spit,” his brother whispered in his ear. “It just might be a bit cold so don’t jump.”

Alright. Whatever. He really didn’t care what it was as long as Niichan hurried.

Kei let his head roll back again, offering his neck, hoping that his brother would start kissing and sucking when cold fingers suddenly pressed against his opening. Even though Niichan had warned him beforehand, Kei still couldn’t help flinching and bucking his hips upward to get away from the cold. “Sorry,” was murmured against his jaw.

The fingers found his opening again, spreading the substance, stroking his skin until the cold was gone and Kei started leaning into the touch. The first finger went in almost too easily and when Kei pushed back against it, he found that a second did as well. Once he got used to the feeling, he kissed his brother’s lips eagerly, panting “more” into his mouth until he felt the two digits scissor slightly and a third one push in beside them. Slowly, first just the tip, moving into him further and further until it was buried inside his ass just as deeply as the other two. They didn’t move though. Not even when Niichan started kissing along his neck, lapping and murmuring his name against tingling skin. Only as Kei let his hand run along his brother’s arm suggestively, bucking his hips ever so slightly, did they pull out again, slowly, before pushing inside anew.

It took a while but as Kei started bucking his hips more eagerly, Niichan increased the pace and soon 3 fingers were sliding in and out with ease, the heel of Niichan’s hand massaging the area below his sack. He hadn’t even realized it had been him moaning and panting until the fingers withdrew completely and the moans turned into whines, the sudden emptiness making him impatient. He flinched again when more of that cold substance was applied, like a lot, dripping onto the blanket and causing him to shift. Yet even though he had expected it, the fingers didn’t enter him again. Instead, Niichan moved between his legs, spreading them further, hard cock brushing against his balls before softly pushing against his hole, teasing him.

“Put it in.” He didn’t even know where that came from. Why he had whispered it into his brother’s mouth. Why he did so again and again when all his brother did was murmur his name. Looking for more contact, to finally be as close as possible, Kei continued to buck his hips. Desperate hands clutched at his brother’s face to deepen the kiss. To keep him from leaving again.

“Put your hands at my hips …,” his brother’s voice trembling slightly. When Kei wouldn’t do as told, Niichan broke the kiss, drawing his head away further. But Kei just followed, leaning up and pulling that beloved face towards him again. “Kei, put your-----“ Hungry lips cut him off, more aggressively than he had intended to. Niichan’s low growl made Kei’s cock twitch and a shiver run down his spine. “Kei …,” lips slid against his. “Your hands …,” hot breaths mixing.

Finally willing to follow, Kei let his hands run over a muscular back and placed them at his brother’s ass, squeezing the flesh and moving his hips upwards again.

“Tell me when and how to move, alright?” Tell him how to move? God. His heart threatened to break through his chest and kill them both, that’s how nervous he was.

Of course he was.

He wouldn’t tell Niichan, but yeah, he was nervous.

Maybe even a bit afraid.

Maybe.

Touching their foreheads together, Niichan kissed him gently and whispered, “When it hurts, tell me and I’ll stop immediately.” Kei squeezed his ass again, pushing against the cock himself, feeling the tip dip into him. “Kei, did you hear?”

“Yes, yes,” Kei huffed, sucking at his brother’s bottom lip. “Now would you please just put it in already?!”

A deep growl vibrated in the other's throat at these words and the pressure at his entrance increased, cock dipping in, spreading him slowly and with as much care as possible before withdrawing again, only to repeat the action, pushing in deeper than before. Deeper. Hot breath ghosted across his lips again and again making his head spin and his mouth water. Deeper. A gentle hand cradled his head, stroking his hair and caressing his cheek, when a choked cry was suddenly ripped from his throat, pain spreading through his body. For a moment, Kei thought he’d be ripped open.

It hurt.

Fuck, it hurt a lot.

A stinging pain crawling up his spine, even though Niichan had stilled immediately, Kei’s fingers digging into his flesh hard.

“Kei...” A faint whisper in his ear, asking if he was alright. Proposing that they’d stop.

Despite the lingering pain, he still urged Niichan to press deeper, trembling hands pushing him forward. Gentle lips moved along his neck, placing soft kisses and murmuring his name.

It was supposed to be soothing and Kei really was thankful for that, but right now, he just wanted Niichan to press further, enter him fully.

Of course it hurt.

But god, it was a muscle and muscles stretch.

He’d get used to it soon enough and the pain would be gone, just like it had before.

So he really didn’t want to be pampered.

Sadly, his brother wouldn’t listen, intent on going slow and reducing the pain as much as possible, even adding more of that cold substance.

Well fuck that.

Kei took a deep, shuddering breath before folding his legs behind his brother and with one swift push, drew him all the way into him.

They both cried out this time and Kei wondered if he had hurt Niichan too. If he had gripped his ass too hard. If his nails had digged too deep.

Neither of them moved for what seemed like an eternity, except for their chests heaving heavily to supply them with more oxygen. Or their heads nuzzling each other. When the pain had mostly numbed and all that remained was the strange feeling of being filled and stretched like that, Kei slowly opened his eyes, blinking away the wetness that had formed. Niichan's head rested next to his with eyes still closed, his eyebrows knit and his lips slightly parted.

Surprisingly, Kei had never thought of his brother as beautiful or anything. It was Niichan and he loved him more than anything but he had never really looked that closely to see how handsome he was. How his nose had just the right size and form to be considered delicate but manly at the same time. How his lips were curved perfectly, making them seem even softer.

He probably wasn’t supposed to look at him this way. To notice these things.

Because brothers shouldn’t.

Yet he did now and that made his heart skip a beat and his insides flutter.

During that night weeks ago, when they had jerked each other off, Kei had been the first to come. Everything had happened so fast and his orgasm had washed over him like a giant wave, drowning him and dulling his senses. At first, he hadn't even realised Niichan had come too and it was now that he wished he could have seen his face. Seen the pleasure take over and watched him that one moment when orgasm hit. Kei thought he saw a glimpse of these emotions when he moved his hips ever so slightly, testing if the pain was still there.

Unable to take his eyes away, he moved again, shifting to make that cock inside his ass slide in and out just a tiny bit, desperately trying to control his breathing.

Trying to relax.

Trying not not wince.

To ignore the weird feeling and the sting that began to race up his spine again.

It really wasn't a lot of movement but when Niichan's mouth fell open slack with a trembling moan, his eyebrows arching up and hands holding onto him tighter, the pain hardly mattered. Because it would be gone soon and until then Kei would just keep looking at Niichan’s face with all the little signs of pleasure and listen to his moans and feel his hot breath and gentle touch. Now Kei thought he understood why people called it ' _making love'._

Yeah.

Love.

“Kei … don't … don't move …,” is what his brother panted into his mouth and against his skin, when in fact he had already started moving himself.

Kei wouldn't tell him though.

He'd just keep his mouth shut and let his brother draw out and press back into him again, shyly at first, probably scared to hurt his precious little brother.

That was so like him.

One word and Niichan would stop immediately, ignoring his own needs and desires, always putting Kei first.

Yeah.

But that was really not what Kei wanted, now was it?

So he started humming and nibbling at the other’s bottom lip, moaning whenever Niichan did. First, it was only meant as a reassurance, to keep his brother going, but in the end Niichan's moans just turned him on so much that he couldn't help answering with little moans himself.

The hard length slid in and out of him much easier now, the pain mostly gone so he urged his brother to go faster. To do what he wanted to in order to feel good. Because Niichan deserved to feel good. Yeah.

A bit deeper.

Maybe a bit harder too.

Feeling the cock draw out again, Kei wanted to tell Niichan that. Wanted to hum _'harder'_ into his ear but he only managed half the word, the rest just a high-pitched cry as Niichan drove into him again and hit something that made his mind go blank. Before he had any chance to register what it had been, Niichan hit it again and seconds later Kei couldn't tell his moans from his brothers or up from down. All there was were Niichan's arms holding him closer than ever and his lips and his moans and his cock pounding his ass, all the while hitting that one spot that made Kei see stars. He heard his name between frantic moans and there was a hand on his dick at one point, stroking him hard and fast and there was Niichan's scent all around him and his skin moving under him while Kei clutched at his back.

Not letting go.

Closer.

_Closer._

Some faint voice inside his head told him to open his eyes and to watch and when Kei did Niichan started clutching at him too, fingers digging into his skin, face pressed into the couch next to Kei's. The hand on his dick increased it’s tempo again, pushing him closer and closer until Niichan hit that spot again and Kei’s toes curled and his balls tightened and he couldn’t suppress the cry because it felt like his insides exploded, skin tingling as his orgasm hit, washing over him and for a moment he wanted nothing more than to lie there unmoving, lulled in by pleasure and that lovely scent and the sound of his name on his brother’s tongue. And god, did he love the sound of it. Especially now, ecstatic and breathless and repeated like some sort of mantra while Niichan continued to thrust into him, groaning, moving, clutching at his skin until Kei could feel his cock pulse and hot breath against his neck, lips moaning again and again. Strong arms clasping him even tighter, squeezing the air out of his lungs while his own hands held onto broad shoulders and a blond head, digging fingers into skin and burying them into soft strands, whispering “Niichan” with every slap of flesh.

Yeah. That was as close as they’d get. Clasping each other, skin sliding against skin and Niichan inside of him, moaning his name. Seconds later, warm liquid filled his insides as his brother finally found release with a sob and a strangled “Kei,” his body trembling, lips pressed against his skin and gliding along Kei’s neck, leaving small kisses and hot breath against damp skin.

Of course it was wrong. He knew that much. Brothers weren’t supposed to do these things with each other and according to some, men weren’t either. Yet Kei really couldn’t care less. He could keep a secret.

It was his decision anyway, now wasn’t it? His and Niichan’s.

And there’s no way he could regret it, not with Niichan lifting his head to look at Kei like that, eyes heavily lidded, eyebrows furrowed and his lips slightly parted to let heavy breaths escape. His cheeks were flushed and strands of blond hair stuck to his forehead with sweat. Kei wondered what it was they were now.

What others would think of them.

What they'd call them and this thing between them.

A thousand scornful words came to mind, some more painful than others, but in the end he decided that he didn't care.

Love was love and to him that's all there was to it now, wasn't it?

Kei let his hands slide up his brother’s broad chest, sliding up his neck until they cupped his face, fingers burying themselves in blonde hair.

“Kei…” His brother breathed, and it made Kei’s chest tighten. How he wanted to keep hearing Niichan say his name like that. Kei pushed back the strands of hair on his brother’s forehead before cupping his face again while Niichan caressed Kei’s own cheek with the back of his hand, gentle and soothing and he couldn’t help but lean into the touch. Pulling his brother’s face down until their sweaty foreheads were touching, they breathed into each other’s mouths for a while before Kei moved his lips to murmur.

“I love you.”

Funny how that must have been the first time in years Kei has said those words to his brother. Has said them for Niichan to hear and not just inside his head afraid to voice them whenever his brother had looked at him with that bright smile. Fucked up how it took something like this for him to finally say it again. But he meant it. He always had.

Surprise washed over Niichan’s face, teeth gnawing at soft lips, but before Kei could even let himself smile, the other's face was already buried in the crook of his neck, inhaling deeply while arms squeezed him tighter.

Maybe he should tell Niichan more often from now on. Make up for all the times he had bit his tongue and closed his door instead. Yeah. Then again ...

“Niichan… are you always gonna cry now when I say that?”

“I’m not crying.” Refusing to admit that now, wasn't he. Even though Niichan probably already knew that his shaky voice and the sniffing gave him away immediately. “You’re crying.”

“How mature.”

“Shut up.”

Kei couldn’t help but chuckle at this casual banter between them. A wet cheek rubbed against his neck, erasing tears before gentle lips started pressing kisses to his skin, taking in a shuddering breath of air before whispering “I love you, Kei. Gods, I love you so much.”

Seconds later, he just sighed and nestled his nose up against Kei’s neck again, humming happily as Kei wrapped his arms around his brother, holding him there in silence for a while and letting his fingers run through soft strands, until…

“Niichan.”

“Hm?”

“Take your dick out my ass already.”

“... I can't believe you just said that.”

“Just do it.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Many many thanks again for the amazing Colonelchansan from tumblr, who was a massive help to me during the development of the fic with proof-reading and her keen eye for things that don't make any sense at all. :D


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